The "When I'm Bored" Files: Obama Edition

I stumbled upon an OLD issue of Photoshop Creative magazine and there was a project in there that inspired me to create something to commemorate the election. Here it is...

I'd actually done something really dang fly earlier today but havent been able to locate which flash drive I saved it on... or if I even saved it.

*shm*

Oh well. Today was the deadline for voter registration for the Nov 4th election day sooooo I hope yall were good little citizens and have been keeping up with your civil duties!

Si se puede, yall!

SG

Association Yields Assimilation... Say Word.

So I just happened to wind up on someone's myspace page and my eyes focused in on a line of a paragraph that read "Association breeds assimilation..."

And it got me to thinking about my own habits and associations...

For instance, when I'm playing soccer in an adult league, or dating an avid exerciser I tend to stay more consistent with my workout schedule because there's some accountability involved...

Or like how I'm single and pretty much ALL of the women in my circle (with the exception of my boss) are all single women. **I'm beginning to think loneliness is a spirit and I REBUKE it, ITNOJ!!!"

How about my songwriting career for example... how I'm my most productive when I'm surrounded by other creative individuals and people who have attained some level of greatness that I aspire for. That DRIVES me... the will to succeed and carve my own way in the wood. Greatness inspires greatness, not laziness, therefore, I STAY around positive, forward-moving people.

I guess it was just seeing it stated in those 3 words is what really forced me to pause and analyze my affiliations because perhaps I've allowed outside forces to impact my decisions. Its definitely worth considering.

Anyhoo, its been one of those looooong rainy days. BTW, the bank did indeed screw up something today AND waste 5 minutes of my life that i will NOT get back, therefore I am allowed 1 curse word...

SPIT!

*sigh* I digress. Its time for bed.

XOXO

SG

To eHarmony or NOT to eHarmony... THAT is the question.

Yes it has come to this...

I came home and found myself on Yahoo! Personals perusing the ads.. (only 2 of the 55 actually seemed remotely interesting)... and then I see that the "subscription rate" is $95/6 months. OOOHH NOOOO! Not the kid. Umph hmph. I cannot WILL NOT pay $95 for a chance to meet someone that I might want to "see". I'm cheap, not desperate.

So then my mama calls and I mention it to her and she suggests eHarmony at a rate of $39/3 months. Really its not THAT much difference, but I'm still thinking it will be a waste of time.

Has it REALLY come to this? Posting "personal ads" on public sites HOPING that Prince Charming might click his way into your inbox? SO SAD. Anybody got any ideas?

SG

The Proliferation of the Maybe Baby

There are things in this life that I will not come to understand before I die. Quantum physics... Human Spontaneous Combustion... Whitney Houston's fall from glory... Conversations with Anna Nicole Smith... THESE THINGS I can and have accepted.

But HOW IN THE WORLD a grown *blank* man can create a child and not find out until the child is 10 years old, is NOT one of them.

Yes people, there is a plague sweeping the great plains of our nation... wiping out the bank accounts of (would-be) superstar athletes and R&B crooners alike... a disease so potent and fatal, that it threatens to extinguish the species of "eligible black bachelor" as we know it. That threat is the "maybe baby."

As a successfully independent, 27-year old CHILDLESS woman, it really is beyond me HOW such a strain of disease could come to be soooooo... common! I mean, I look at my accomplishments and my values... hell and even if I didn't have time for that and simply look in the mirror, I would see what I believe most people see... an attractive "got-her-ish-together" woman whose done a great job at maintaining her marketability. And perhaps I'm biased because I'm talking about self, so let me put "self" on the shelf and take a look around me. Within the handful of friendships that I have with my female counterparts, I see similary qualities. Young women with goals and ambitions, independence and values... 80% of that handful are childless. Now clearly, all of us arent practicing abstinence (though I do practice on Sundays and every other Thursday), so it goes without saying that sex is being "had". But what I'm NOT really understanding about this whole situation is...

HOW IN THE HECK a guy can lay up with a woman without protection... A woman whom he is NOT in a committed (or long-term) relationship with... bust a move on her as if he DOESNT KNOW (yeah right)... only to find out months or years later that in the last :32 seconds of Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love To You", that he furtilized an egg... that ish is beyond me.

First of all, WHO DOES THIS? No wait, I know who "does this"... my beautiful black MEN "does this"... Sadly, its more of the ones that ought to KNOW BETTER, that "does this" the most! Why and HOW can you seemingly successful men take that risk... the risk of not only impregnating a jump-off and being tied to the hip to this person for the rest of your life? Nevermind the risks of diseases that threaten your life... the life you work SO very hard to achieve and attain... the life in which you and your family have struggled to put you thru school and the hard work you've put into becoming WHO YOU ARE (whoever you are), all so that either

a) you contract a life-threatening disease or

b) procreate a child that was not conceived in love but in passion (or maybe just inebriation) that you now have to begrudgingly break bread for.

I'm not understanding this rationale at all. Help me somebody. If the argument is that you're ready to start a family and have a "mini-me" because lots of you secretly are looking forward to that, how about actually procreating with someone you love and trust (preferably a wife... hello!) and at the very least, someone you want to be with for a LONG LONG LONG time. But no, the maybe baby is never carried in the womb of a true love... No, the maybe baby is the secret... the dark cloud... the game-changer (literally)... the little life that remains hidden until one of two things happens.

Now, in my experience the maybe baby's existence arises either...

a) when said jump-off's relationship ends with her normal lover and she has to quit passing the pregnancy off as his but rather, needs to confess that you are indeed "that baby's daddy" because she now needs a new sponsor for this child

and/or

b) when said jump-off discovers the opportunity for financial gain by announcing the existence of said maybe baby. this typically happens once baby-daddy gets drafted or signs a large contract... when baby daddy comes into substantial financial gains... Now, in the situations that I am aware of, it is argueable and even likely that said jump-off ALLOWED babydaddy to forgo usage of profilactics and welcomed the insurgence of his "little soldiers" because said jump-off's sixth-sense knew that financial gains might be in the future, and thus she could come-up thru producing a "dependent".

Either way, baby daddy has no one to blame but himself because in 72% of these "maybe baby" cases, baby daddy stands to be the one with more at-stake. Also, at the risk of sounding like I'm excusing trifling jump-offs, let me say this.

Our eggs are ever-present, meaning we dont "bust an egg"... Yet, men have the voluntary (or involuntary depending on how you look at it) fertilization equipment and thus, must decide how to handle such powerful equipment. We dont feel the burst of elation coming, MEN DO. Therefore, since we dont control it and you do, you "eligible black bachelors" should take more care in protecting and maintating the equipment. I am a firm proponent of using protection at ALL times. Never been much of relying solely on BC because BC doesnt prevent HIV. *hmph!* But at the very least, as it relates to this post, if you cant contain your soldiers then it would seem logical that the next step is to stock up on condoms! We dont yank the sperm out, you SHOOT it our way. So if your aim is bad... or too strong... or whatever, wrap it up for Pete's sake!

Anyhoo~~~ enough of me griping the fellas out. I have a beef to pick with these jump-offs that wind up in this situation.

HOW IS IT that you can carry a child without knowing WHODABABYDADYIS? I say this because most 'da time, the jump-off truly isnt 100% sure WHO fathered the child and its (better?) to wait until the child is born to find out. I've known people who wanted to see who the baby looked like first before they confessed either way about the true parentage, AS IF looks are the proof. Like, HOW MANY men let their cup runneth over in your business? And after you come to a numerical value, please explain WHY that was a good idea???

All in all, I'm just disgusted that of the last 7 years, the last 4 guys that I've had slight interest in, ALL 4 had "maybe baby" situations. All 4 were successful men without any previous children and all the jump-offs were women that they weren't involved with. I could almost excuse it if it happens with someone you love and then comes back around once the relationship is dissolved but still, it burdens me.

It burdens me that while I'm doing all I can to be responsible (not just in not making children out of wedlock, but also by protecting myself from disease), men that I would otherwise be interested in long-term are being careless with their decisions. And while the Bible teaches us to forgive and not be judgmental, I would be the one left with the decision of whether I want to sign up for "him and his baby mama"s issues... I'm the one making compromises because he couldn't see that his future was more important than 4 minutes of going raw-dog. Its not fair. There's a whole nother angle to this... the child thats being created outside of a 2-parent household... the child in the middle of these issues... the child thats suffering even though he/she doesnt ask to be here or put into this situation... and maybe I will come back and address that angle later.

The point though is that I and my peers, other single, successful, eligible bachelorettes, are sick and tired of having to be "understanding" of "maybe baby" drama. Its not fair that we fall in love with you only to discover well AFTER the fact that you have mystery seeds scattered elsewhere. Its not fair that in this relationship and life that we've built together, you are now introducing an entirely NEW dynamic of a new child and woman with which we must deal with regardless of how uncomfortable it might be... And why do we deal? Because we LOVE YOU. But oh, what we really wish...

Is that you would love YOURSELF enough to protect yourself against disease and unwanted pregnancies and consider what either of those dynamics would mean to the future love of your life

Be safe. Be easy. Be blessed.

SG

*******************************

TOPIC SUBMITTED BY: ALEXIA McWHINNEY (HOUSTON, TX) THANKS A TON LEX!!!

GOT A TOPIC? SEND IT TO SUMMERGALVEZ@GMAIL.COM and I'LL POST IT!

****************************************************************

Dating for Dummies Part 1: Bat Signals

Summer G: Okay so tell me something... I hear all the time that I'm intimidating. Do you agree??? Do guys tell you that?
Nic: it seriously cannot be about actual friendliness and intimidation because I am the least friendly chick you know, yet somehow people approach all the time
Summer G: okay so you're saying that friendliness does not equate to approachability because you are getting approached despite your bad attitude, right?
Nic: bingo and you are way more friendly/outgoing than me, so it must be the type of hints you are giving off
Summer G: hints? HA! go figure.
Nic: i mean, what else can you call it...clues...
Summer G: i think my approach (or lack thereof) is more natural
Nic: it's possibly too friendly
Summer G: like, only 1 in 5,232 guys are gonna be THAT incredible that i am immediately smitten... that being said, i prefer to get to know a person... AS FRIENDS first
Nic: you give off the "I wanna be your homegirl" you can go play hoops with vibe...not the "ask me out to dinner if you wanna get to know me" vibe
Summer G: no sense in getting emotionally attached/involved with a looneytoon!
Nic: but you gotta put it out there that you are not auditioning BFF candidates...because one you get put in the friend zone it's hard to transition out
Summer G: HAHAHAHHAHAAA!!! is THAT the vibe I give off??
Nic: YES it is
Summer G: LMAO
Nic: starting out as friends is of course the way to go...but do you want to end up as friends...look at the end goal SG
Summer G: <
Nic: sad but true
Summer G: but thats just it!
Nic: what is just it? enlighten me on your approach
Summer G: 99.946282% of the guys do not meet my "end goal" standards!
Nic: because they are not exceedingly tall and unattractive?
Summer G: YES! hehehheheee
Nic: as CC would implore...listen listen please listen
Summer G: i mean, i definitely dont go INTO it looking for unattractive men, but an absolute MUST is height. I'm 5'10"... aint nothin i can do with a midget. NOT NOTHING!
Nic: you have to get over the physical rut that you are in...i'm not saying start dating midgets, but you gotta at least take a gander at an average size man
Summer G: that being said, its like i only audition tall men... and of those tall men most arent what you would consider "handsome"... in fact, most arent handsome.
Nic: and by average, i mean someone who is taller than you in heels. i know a handful of regular height men who are attractive that have shown an interest in you, only to be shot down at the first word...they stood no chance from the jump
Summer G: then when you start subtractign the crazies... the ones with multiple babymamas... those with criminal records... bad credit... live with their mamas... promote parties (lol).... the pickings are down right SLIM!
Nic: you will have to take applications from all manner of folk to narrow the audition pool down to a handful..it aint easy but so it goes
Summer G: WTF@ "All manner of folk" time out... TIME OUT!!!
Nic: and by taking application, i mean, you will have to have a conversation with people you dont normally think you would like... not shoot them down the minute they look your way
Summer G: i do! you just said i was the friendliest chick in Texas! i am QUITE the conversationista!
Nic: but you shoot them down after hello
Summer Galvez: uumm... no i dont.
Nic: or you give them the idea that they have no chance to follow up so they give up
Summer G: TIME OUT i said
Nic: that's exactly what it is....you will give hope to FAMILIAR all day, but you give no hope to NEW
Summer G: WHO might this handful of people that I shot down include?
Nic: is this gonna be copied/pasted...i'll use code names
Summer G: Familiar can kick rocks to hell... I've been over that. yes code please
Nic: sexual chocolate in MIA for one...i was so pissy about that one
Summer G: LMAO! I'm still pissy about that one.
Nic: you should be
Summer G: i was sleepy... tired... if its meant to come back around then...next!
Nic: i'm almost afraid to say this one b/c he doesn't meet the height requirement, but i swear he would treat you so right and be sooooo good to you
Summer G: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO??????
Nic: but he has no chance because he lost the genetic lotto for height...beautiful teeth, smiles with his eyes.. you know who
Summer G: *hits da flo, chips tooth on the desk on her way down* dammit NIC!
Nic: he's been in pseudo love with you since the day/evening he laid eyes on you
Nic: and you know it
Summer G: hahahahhahhaaa@ "smiles with his eyes"
Nic: say he doesn't
Summer G: i'm over here about to get FIRED!
Nic: me too...i'm spitting water all over my keyboard
Summer G: girl next... he doest meet ANY requirements, not just height.. smile yes... lifestyle no.
Nic: you don't know that..you are just going off his height or lack thereof
Summer G: i know his employers and i know he aint filing W-2s
Nic: but whatever...if you wanna be closed minded, then fine
Summer G: and i know i dont need uncle sam in my life
Nic: not W-2s
Summer G: and because i know these things, i know he doesn have medical insurance... insurance is CRIT-I-CAL!
Nic: moving on before i start gasping for air from holding my stomach
Summer G: you know i'm right. okay so nevermind the guys.. how do you suggest that i correct the problem of being "unapproachable"
Nic: so even in we take SWHE (smiles with his eyes) out of the picture, we are still left with a conundrum of how you can be more approachable
Summer G: right...LMAO@ SWHE tho... fuuunnnnnnnny!
Nic: when you have conversations with dudes, does it ever progress to a point where you are discussing the possibility of a one on one outing...coffee, lunch, something that cannot be miscontrued as a date per se, but is still an opportunity to see them in different light to determine if they are worth auditioning for the role of pseudo boo?
Summer G: now, how do you define "ever"?? lol... i'm joking.
Summer G: ya know, its interesting. i guess because I am so used to "recycling" i dont really go out of my way to audition "new"
Nic: exactly.
Summer G: it happens, but its few and far between... take Trouble for example
Nic: you meet new, but new never makes it past the initial hello/how are you conversation
Summer G: he was persistent... negro blew my phone up that night then during church the next day... he was insistent on seeing me asap and it was really cool! and i appreciated that because he knew what he wanted and made a move.
Nic: i think that's a perfect example...and you cannot be discouraged b/c you figured out early that he wasn't about ISH
Summer G: most guys dont make a move. they pussy-foot around being all shy and ish... aint nobody got time to play Miss Cleo... either you wanna ride the ride or you dont.
Nic: you play by the rules and sometimes you meet a great dude, and sometimes you meet the white linen whackness that is Trouble
Summer G: going back to SWHE... he's never made a "move" so i dont feel he should count
Nic: i dont think he's ever gotten the vibe that it would be ok for him to make a move...he needs some kind of bat signal from you
Summer G: Neither should Chocolate Fury (in MIA) because he let me talk all manner of trash on the Tonk table... he couldnt match my wit. he bored me to sleep.
Nic: everytime he's seen you it's been in a group setting and he's never been given anything more than a passing glance
Nic: not Choco Fury
Summer G: would've been nice if he could've "put me to bed" in another way tho... HAHAHHAAA... I'm clowning. my bad
Nic: I had to take a moment and compose myself on that one
Summer G: lol@bat signals.
Nic: Choco Fury has all the physical traits...he may be lacking in the mental stimulation dept, but you will never know b/c he didnt get a bat signal either and he vanished into the nite
Summer G: indeed he did
Nic: so what's the take away from this SG....men need bat signals...
Summer G: hmph... and took all his chocolate fury with himl. DANGIT!
Summer G: bat signals... okay. so tomorrow we discuss bat signals, deal?
Nic: and boy is he furious...so damn fine for no good reason
Nic: well damn, now i gotta figure out how to define bat signals...
Summer G: good... thats your homework!
Summer G: b/c clearly i dont know
Nic: BS...this is your blog. not mine
Summer G: think of yourself as a correspondent.
Summer G: guest host
Summer G: contributer
Nic: i don't wanna blog or share my thoughts with the world wide web...i share them with you. you filter them and do what you like with them
Summer G: well how about this... how about we let readers leave comments helping me understand "bat signals"
Nic: bingo
Summer G: lame-o
Nic: whatever - o
Summer G: Okay, well i'm Audi-5000
Nic: i dont know how to define it
Summer G: dong anything tonite?
Nic: alright chica...i will call you later. technically i have a non date
Summer G: hahahahahahaaa! with D.E.?
Nic: who?
Nic: dead end?
Nic: STFU...
Summer G: hehehehheheheeee
Nic: wow. no
Summer G: with whom?
Nic: MM...mystery man...no magic just yet...i'll keep you posted
Summer G: you so you have one too, eh?
Nic: not really but i'm not divulging shit if you aren't either...ha
Summer G: its cool... good luck with that! everybody needs something to hope for!
Nic: ahhh...hope. gotta love it
Summer G: ttyl

The Cuss Cup 2008

Today I took a minute to peruse my previous posts and I realized something very disturbing... I swear too much!  Crazy thing is that I think I swear more on paper than I do in verbal conversation. Weird, eh?  Now, I know that more than a few times I've sworn off swearing and had some success, but I dont  quite know when and WHY i started this bad habit back! Anyhoo, its not ladylike, nor is it cute SOOO, I'm gonna try this again.  That being said, there are some instances where I FEEL (not you, but me... I feel) that I should get a cuss pass.  These instances include situations where...

a)  My banking institution has made some major accounting error and caused me inconvenience. I should be allowed 2 cuss words to express my extreme pissivity both TO the banking representative AND to whomever I first repeat the ordeal to.  If it happens that I blog about it before I speak to someone, then I agree to only use those words one time in said blog post and not to repeat them to someone at a later date.

b)  Someone is attempting to feed me some bull-ish and my intelligence is insulted.  I feel that one STRONG "GTFOH" is definitely permissible to express that not only am I not buying said bull-ish story, but to also give the directive of exiting my presence.  Only GTFOH can relay such sentiment succinctly.  I agree to only use GTFOH once in this instance and also agree to use it in its acronym form versus spelling "Get The F**K Outta Here!" out.  When possible, I will use it in text messages to end the conversation.  

c)  I am giving advice to someone regarding otherwise "common sense" situations where said person is being hardheaded, naive and gullible despite all the obvious signs of disenchantment (I love that word, don't you!?).  Sometimes its just not enough be calm and polite in your approach of spreading the good word to people who just refuse to listen.  SOMETIMES you have to get ugly and say something like "Looka heah, heifa... TNDWY... He dont give a damn about you as plainly seen thru his trifling ass excuses and broken promises.  Chuck his ass the deuces and quit being a stupid hoe!"  I admit, I've said these very things to someone.  Was it right? Probably not, but I was hoping to saying enough offensive things that she would walk away pissed that I would even think to identify her as a "stupid hoe" and then begin to consider if she was indeed behaving like a "stupid hoe"... something we both knew she wasnt, but her actions were indeed showing signs of weakness and lack of self-esteem.  In the future however, I will refrain from excessively swearing in instances like these, and I will only use a SINGLE cuss-word in any given conversation on the matter.  Stupid hoes arent worth me wasting all my free cuss-passes anyway.

So there it is! I'm intending to all but do away with my foul language.  Why, you ask? Well, like I said... its not ladylike and my vocabulary is far to expansive to be  limited to expletives.  In fact, its more fun when you can out-word a muhfuh... Oh such FUN to talk over someone's head with words they dont know and cant repeat. lololol  

**Begin Sidenote:  I remember actually having all-out "score sessions" with my boy Kevin Curry in high school using nothing but S.A.T. words.  We would actually be playing tennis and ragging on each other using vocab we were studying for our exam... TOTAL GEEKS! Coincidentally, Kevin is in grad school at Harvard RIGHT NOW and I am well... you know where I am. lol **End Sidenote***

Any-t-hoo, I'm gonna stop cursing and for every violation I'm gonna drop a dollar in the CUSS CUP and make an extra offering in church with the money.  I figure that committing that money to the Lord will force me to take this initiative seriously. Wish me luck!

SG

The Genesis of Me and You

I started composing another post that touched on the subject of people within love triangles/squares (octagons… lol) and how the bitter 3rd/4th/5th… parties in said triangles behave when one of the principals moves on with another… It’s a long post and I promise to come back to it but today I felt like going in a different direction.

See… this is what I’m thinking...
As a matter of fact, this is what my Grandmama taught me years ago, back when I was in the only serious relationship that I’ve had… (Poor me?! No poor you! I’m happy being selective, thank you very much!) Anyhoo… she taught me that the way a relationship starts sets the tone for the way that it will forever be. Sounds pretty vague you say, but really think about it.

Grandmama was saying that the exact standards that you go into a relationship with are exactly what set the tone for the duration of the relationship. Of course, I know she was specifically warning me against being “fast” and cautioning me to set standards for myself and basically, not to just go for any old thing… that once you let it be known that “this” is the standard or whats acceptable, that that’s EXACTLY what you can grow to expect from the other person. You know how it is… in the beginning each person is feeling the other out, trying to gauge exactly what “time it is”.

Its kinda like the dynamic of meeting the person in the club Saturday night and taking him/her home with you to go balls-to-the-wall (no pun intended). If you start the relationship off with 3am phone calls that lead to rugburns and 7-11 Magnum-runs, then pretty much expect that that’s going to be the basis of the relationship. Sure, it COULD grow into something more but the stage has already been set for more rugburns and 7-11 Magnum-runs, so for you to try and omit the sexual nature of the relationship or back up and say “No, Tony I want to wait until I know you better” is gonna get you a foreal “WTF” face from Tony, and rightfully so.

All this being said, its crucial to make sure that we each identify the dynamics of our relationships and the standards that we set forth in the beginning. If you want to be respected, don’t go into the relationship allowing disrespect and making excuses for the other person’s disrespectful, selfish behavior. If you want to cultivate a long-term relationship, begin with cultivating a foundation based on honesty, communication and dependability- the things you will value most with a mate. Don’t start out keeping secrets and being deceptive because lies only beget lies and distrust. Is any of this seeping through??

In short (or long), I guess I’m just saying that Grandmama taught me a lot about standards and being 100% honest with myself (and others) about my intentions within relationships. I can actually think of one time when I let my guard down and behaved in a way that not only contradicted my beliefs, but totally misrepresented my standards and set the wrong tone for a dynamic that I wasn’t ready for. The killing part is that it involved someone who, under different circumstances, would’ve been a guy that I would want to make happy… for a long time. I think we both identified “a winner” in each other, but it was just awkward at that point. Had we started in a different zone where things were more gradual, then well… you get where I’m going with this. Indeed a sad situation, but sometimes you gotta lose one to get one. Just don’t lose 2 because there may not be a 2nd time to learn the lesson.

So anyway peoples, be true to yourself. Take heart your own rules of engagement… never settle for something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Know what you want and how you want to be treated. Respect others. Be honest. Be virtuous.

XOXO

SG

BTW: Today's playlist consists of "Seasons Change" by Expose and "I Miss You" by Men At Large. Download them today!

A PSA from GOODEness..."One Minute"

Went to my friend's funeral, hoping in peace he now rested...
Growing from a seed to a tree, had worse climate than the rest did...
From age 9, this water sign was abused and molested...
Had hard times but "Jesus walks" is what he'd say like K. West did...
Gave his heart, spirit, mind and his body unprotected…
The catch was this man had 2 lives, showed both sexes affection...
He was on the down low and wasn't fond of protection...
Until he came across this sweetheart, orange moon, bright reflection...
She turned him on to good health and sharing the gift he was blessed with...
Don't ask, don't tell she gave him everything he requested...
Months pass, he's crossing paths, returning to her w/ infection...
She gets a physical and blood test, and then what? Yeah you guessed it!
Honey has full blown AIDS, to make it worse, 2 months pregnant...
She’s in the ground, not breathing now, and her children are neglected…
Meaningful life cut in its prime because she never asked questions!
Protect yourself and your partner’s health, life ends quick when you’re reckless!
Moral of the story, know your status and no latex no sex kid!
When you lay with one, you’re sexing all the people they've slept with…
The realest shit ever spoke…so respect it…get tested!!
© GOODENess 2008

With her blessing, I decided to repost this poem from a good blogbuddy of mine. She's a dope writer and definitely is saying something with this piece. Its rather sad that more of our people don't take better precautions with their health, but its definitely not a lost cause. Each one teach one. Lets help each other be stronger and better educated. Let's live.

Its So Cold (and Rhythmless) In the D - Reaction Vid

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RcS1jlBpCA

CRay, I'm need you to get your peoples.
I'm just saying.

Sorry For the Delay of Game But I'M BACK!

Its been months since my last post here. Actually, I've started an entirely NEW blogspot that CRay and JBiggs and I are SUPPOSED to be tagteaming on, but their sorry tails havent posted there yet. *TSK TSK* That site is primarily for current events and since I'm feeling a bit more inclined to share (as Grandmama would say) "a tee-nanchy bit" of self-revelation. Got a minute? Its good, I promise!

So in my last post, I was sharing that I'd been laid-off from my position w/ Lockton and it really REALLY stung me on all fronts. Even still, I was not dismayed. There's even a line in there where I say something about remembering that everytime something seemingly bad happens, it always ends up being a setup for something "bigger and better". Well, true to form the Lord didnt let me down. For the sake of time, let me just say that I am now with an entirely different company in the financial industry with a GREAT position, a FABULOUS boss who adores me (as much as I adore her), and I'm getting the recognition and opportunities to develop my talents far beyond the opportunities I had with Lockton. All things considered, I am indeed blessed to have the favor that I do and I just had to share that because He deserves the glory (yet again) for bringing me through. The moral to the story? Setbacks are ALWAYS setups for something better. Trust and have faith in His order for your life.

In other news... I've gotten some downright INCREDIBLE collaborations going on with my music. Think classic, Grammy-winning producers that crafted hip-hop into what it is today... think a return to MUSIC... think HIT RECORDS! :-) It seems daily, I find myself slightly frustrated at trying to figure out HOW to meet all my deadlines and still balance my current obligations with work (b/c I enjoy it so much, I've been bringing it home with me the last few weeks) which in turn, cuts back on my studio time considerably... and then I'm in the gym 4 times a week at least so I mean... its a lot. But I'm commited to riding this dream 'til the wheels fall off (and they won't) because I've seen the other side and well... yeah, I have to do it. That being said, Sunday is my only "dont ask for nothing, i'm not doin' nothing" day. I was sharing this calamity with a new friend and he suggested that I focus my energies and not "chase 2 rabbits because I'll end up losing both." Even since he said that, I've been talking to the little bunnies in my life... literally telling them, "Alright Peter, I cant deal with you today because I'm focused on Bugs... I'll be with you shortly..." and so on. So far, so good! I think my problem is being an overachiever. I feel like I have to conquer the world... in a day... alone... blindfolded... with my arms tied behind my back. The cool thing is that in addition to pilates, I'm taking yoga now too and its really been a refreshing practice for me after work. WOOSAAAA.

I apologize for all this personal info but tomorrow I'll be back to business as usual... more posts about general topics. I've actually concluded that its in everyone's best interest if I not divulge any really personal details regarding current/former friendships/relationships on this blog. Its not needed and actually, quite 1990's if you ask me. Plus, no one cares who I am/am not "booing up" with anyway so screw it.

Before I leave tho, I have to say that I've had a JAMMIN' afternoon and even found myself doing the New Edition 2-step (HARD) while driving home today as listened to "If It Isn't Love". For those that havent seen the (timeless) video where they're sportin curls, skinny jeans and stirrup pants, click here. Do yourself a favor and download this if you don't already have it.

Thanks to everyone whose been checking on me and reminding me to start back posting.

XOXO...

SG

Setbacks and Really God's Set-Ups For Better Things

Last week, I got some very disappointing news...unexpected, frustrating news. Yeah, it was pretty disheartening for the first 3.7 minutes. I was in shock. Pretty much, I was laid-off from the career that I absolutely loved because the company was "downsizing" and apparently, it made more sense to 86 me because of my salary. Nevermind that I've been the saving grace in the office... the one that came in and shifted the quality of production in my department. Nevermind that I've never had disciplinary action or abused attendance policies. Nevermind that I've facilitated very major campaigns that resulted in new client accounts. Nope... it was a "cost" issue and subseqently, I was let go.

It hurt, really it did. As the HR director kept apologizing and offering alternatives for me, all I could think about was HOW I had done everything right, and yet it was all for naught.

But then I strong, still voice spoke to me and told me that "it's already worked out in my favor" and not to cry. Immediately, a peace came over me and I felt like the lay-off was God ordained... something to get me out of my comfort zone and into a place where He could bring me into something better... something with purpose. My purpose.

Since that voice spoke to me last week, I've been in a place of assurance. People have asked me, "So what are you going to do?" and the only answer I have it that "I'm going to do what I can, and I'm going to trust God to do what I can't." This isnt the first time that I've lost a job or been faced with bills and expenses with no foreseen answer as to HOW its gonna work out. But EVERY SINGLE TIME, IT WORKS OUT! And get this, it works out BETTER THAN BEFORE!!

When I reflect on my lifestory and things that I and my family have been through, I really have no reason TO worry or stress myself out over HOW this lay-off will play itself out because the fact is that historically, every single obstacle has been a test of my faith in the Lord to honor His promises... And if i'm boasting on Him to everyone that asks, letting them KNOW that my faith is in Him to work it out, He pretty much HAS to work it out for me. His word says that I wont beg for bread. It says that if I delight myself in Him, He'll give me my hearts desires. And it also says that He loves me. A Father that loves His child wont let his child suffer. So as a child, I trust him.

I pretty much took last week to do some somgwriting... Went into the studio last Thursday and I'm really excited about these young ladies I met that are going to demo some songs for me. Made a spontaneous roadtrip out of town to clear my head with a friend and then came back this week to begin my job search. I've already gotten some very good leads in the past 48 hours so I'm just submitting resumes (which is my due dilligence) and then praying that God give me favor with whomever is reviewing them... Favor for the RIGHT position and the RIGHT company with the RIGHT benefits and salary. And then, if the Lord's says for me to focus on my gift of music, then I'm obedient to do that. In fact, I'd prefer to do that actually. lol. Really I just want His will because with that will come order and peace.

I'm also looking forward to posting the outcome of all of this... I know its gonna be too incredible to put into words but you know me- I'ma TRY!

So the lesson of the day is not to worry about things beyond your control. When you've done the best that you can do and your heart is in the right place, God honors your stewardship and He will position you for the next level of success. Ya just gotta have faith and walk in it!

Out!

SG~

Stop Searching For a Husband In The Club!

Dear Summer G,
Girl! pls tell me you have some awesome thoughts running in your head right abt now about how these NIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAS and i repeat niggas can act. ugggggh....need a good blog 2 read right abt now.our Black meni tell you summerour black men.
honestly, I’m jst @ a space in my life where I truly dont understand HOW in God’s creation are "men" a.k.a. boys attempting to be a man...think it’s ok to be over the age of 25 (hell 21 y.o) and think it’s cute to still be out here jst hoe’n arnd! Life is soooo much more than that. I’m like Dude! show me your credit score! Can you buy a house Today if u wanted to?? or is your focus the next party you can hit up to take some ’rank random home???? gotta be kidding me! Life is soooo much more than freakin DALLAS and these ’rank *** girls. What happened to chilvary and treating a lady like a LADY?! now it’s like uhhh i wanna date a girl who works @ DG’s...iccck. icck icck. gross.i’m jst sick and tired of the bulllllll. Grow up dudes, grow up. ugggh~i’m never one to be on the whole niggas aint ish tip but GiRl, they pushing me girl,they pushin me! And Summer its not even really ABT me. honestly. its the way my girls, my cousins co workers are being treated or allowing these foolwanery’s to treat THEM. I’m jst extra passionate abt it because I’ve been thr done that bought the t shirt. So when I see my friends hurting damn you’ve hurt me!
I’m real quick to cut u off and act like I never knew you...its these other igmo’s who think it’s cute to try to hit the next random and then treat my loved ones like CRAP!!!!!!!! and it’s our own Black men doing it to their own Black women!!!Regarding me.....I’m super quick to say "nicca bye i’m too fly for that" and move on. To the left to the left. I have no time for stupidity. My family taught me better than that. so trust me this is for my girls...but i too can be reminded. i lack PATIENCE of dealing with stupid shyt. Hence the reason I cut a fool off real quick. Is that badd????? The first sign of a guy acting a hot mess I seriously cut them off. I’m jst toooo damn old for this foolishness.
Your thoughts??

_So Over the Lame Shyt_

*************************************************************

REPLY TO MY FRIEND

Dear _So Over The Lame Shyt_,

special... just for you...b/c i PROMISE i was about to logoff and goto bed... (lol)

I’ve been down this road too girl...we all have. Sadly, its the chicks that lack self-esteem and substance that make it harder on those of us that DO actually have standards... HOWEVER, some of it is us too because we continually search for diamonds and rubies among coal and clay.

The best thing we as single women can do for ourselves it to shift our TOTAL ATTENTION away from meeting someone and focus on fulfilling our own purposes in life. We are born and bred to be mothers, and subsequently WIVES because who wants to have a child out of wedlock? So when we hit that "phase", we start longing for marriage and try desperately to fit a nicca into that husband-mold, even when he doesnt want to be. And CLEARLY, these niccas will SHOW YOU just how much they DONT WANT TO BE MARRIED by their actions, yet we keep thinking "if i’m perfect enough, SURELY he wont let me get away!" WRONG. Men dont work like this. they wait until they are ready to get married and THEN start looking for a wife. Its kinda wack b/c they admittedly let many MANY perfect women slip thru their fingers all because they simply AINT ready... they think they’re gonna miss something. And so as wise women, we need to take the cue and leave their asses ALONE! When a nicca is ready for that next level, he goes to the limit to make it clear. If that aint happening, keep it moving.

Also, theres no hope finding a husband in the club or on "the scene". 1, most guys arent looking for anything serious in the club... just a good time. You’re better off being introduced to someone by a mutual friend via internet... but in the club, its a lost cause... ESPECIALLY if he’s a club whore... or God-forbid, a "promoter". *gasp* lol Theres no point really, unless you are sincerely out with your girls to "do yall" and just kick it as women, enjoying each others company... These niccas are oblivous to quality and things we wear/do/say to get their attention. In fact, we get more accomplished when we 86 their asses as if they are meaningless. **By the way, i’m actually in the middle of writing a song about this very subject**

But anyhoo chica, its just the way it is, unfortunately, especially with guys in our age group. There are some that are looking for a serious relationship BUT I would bet most of them arent looking for it in women they see every week in the club. I had to have that reality disclosed to me by my ex from years ago... a guy from a very prominent family. Now, we clashed for a variety of reasons... he was stuck on living life thru a facade and phony perceptions... image... he wanted me to be someone i wasnt. BUT the one valuable thing I did take from our relationship is that men hold very DEAR to their hearts the kind of woman they want to marry... the woman that will bear their children and carry their last names. So, everything this woman does goes under scrutiny during courtship b/c they are trying to make SURE she not only represents herself as a lady, but him also. I think he was overboard on most of his issues but I can see the perspective that perhaps some of those things give the wrong impression. If we want to be seen as marriage material, theres definitely some things we might need to eliminate from the reportoire... like hugging the "homeboys" when you walk thru the party (kinda looks a lil flirtatious)... and over-socializing... Boys always like the "quiet girl"... the "good girl"... she’s more mysterious.

But anyhoo.. I’m on a tangent now. Me just playing the devil’s advocate like I always do, just trying to see BOTH ends of the perspective.My bottom line though, is "let sleeping dogs lie". Get out and mingle and be around more diverse people (*read "GROWN ASS MEN"*).
The marrying type is NOT in Clear... or M Bar... or Sting. I PROMISE!!! You may get a decent homie or network connection there but overall, these niccas aint about a damn and DAMN SHO and about YOU! Its all a selfish game. Dudes that are constantly in the club arent interested in quiet nights at home boo’ed up, else they would BE at home, Boo’ed UP… not tryin to get new phone numbers and MAKING IT RAIN in the club! And for us women, we gotta stop trying to convince a nicca to settle down and grow up. WHEN THEY ARE READY, THEY WILL.

So chica... me understanding that just keeps me grinding on this music. I work and hustle so I can nevermind these worthless niccas. Someone who is serious about me will appeal to my overall intellect and take an interest in the WOMAN that I am, not just some superficial shit. I have a lotta flaws, but the right one will take the time to appreciate the totality of who I am. Girl we ar GROWN okay?!? We’re both in our late twenties and clearly YEARS beyond our counterparts. Lets just keep it real…

IF YOU WANT DIFFERENT RESULTS, YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!
This applies to personal actions and the people you place yourself around… opportunities that you take advantage of!

I’m thinking along the lines of PROFESSIONAL MEN... men that "throw on a suit and get it tapered up!" Nevermind the fads, the "fly nicca in the club" doing the most, the niccas that just party ALL THE TIME. How about the reserved, quiet one… the one you rarely see… He’s that one that isnt caught up in the nightlife. He’s sexy.Okay, sleepy now.Time to turn in… BUT

REMEMBER,
Girl you ARE fly and beautiful. You deserve QUALITY and SUBSTANCE.Until love finds you, just focus on things you can control... like your own growth and wellbeing. Relationships require the participation of 2 (or more) people... no sense in stressing over the unpredictable!! You’ll be okay mama… we all will.
Just stay true to you and never forget your worth! NEVER!SG~

P.S. IN response to the male comments I’ve gotten, allow me to amend with the following:
Ladies, if you want to be seen as someone worth wifing (wife-ing), then there are things you/we must do/become to get that sort of attention. Yes, there are a LOT Of chickenheads in the club and on the pole... We must distinguish ourselves as being above that. Far beit from me to tell someone HOW to act, but definitely, a little self-assessment would go along away. And also........
quit lettin these niccas sell you a DREAM. this goes for men and women. There comes a time in one’s life... a maturing stage when, its just time to lose the surface shit and get down to the nitty gritty. Take a close look at WHO you are and WHAT you need/expect in a significant other. Then, consider what you are willing and READY to bring to the table in that relationship. If you cant offer something substantial to the picture, perhaps the problem is in you. And likewise, if you’re courting someone thats not enriching your being, then maybe thats not the healthiest relationship for you either.

SG~

The Dangers of Wishful Thinking

While on the elevator today, I overheard some people talking about the cold-front that hit our city this morning and the expected rain/sleet/snow to come tonight. Then moments later, my counterparts began discussing the possibilities of inclement weather causing our offices to shut-down, thus resulting in an off-day tomorrow. Of course, everyone in the office is working with anticipation of being off on the company dime, but I just don't feel the same excitement. Why?

Well, historically when we have bad weather in Dallas, its normally in the form of sleet and 2-4 inches of snow that really don't stick but cause dangerous driving conditions on the roads and bridges. Because Dallas is such a big city, everything and everyone is spread out from one side of the metroplex to the other, resulting in 98% of Dallas residents commuting to/from work. EVERY SINGLE TIME this happens, the weather becomes the top story on newscasts all day with "Breaking Reports" interrupting regular programming… reports that list school/office closings and caution people to stay off the roads unless it's a dire emergency. That being said, I just cant celebrate this "good news" of bad weather because well…

Someone's son/daughter will have a fatal car accident. Because of the possible school closings some child who looks forward to retreating to school as a safe-haven from their unhealthy home environment, will be forced to stay in the house all day… maybe alone or maybe in the company of people who do him/her harm. It's a stretch, but it happens. For many people, tomorrow's inclement weather wont be welcomed. Tomorrow, because of the weather and subsequent hazardous conditions, someone will suffer and someone will die.

As I began really thinking about this, other "wishful thinking" phrases popped into my head. We all are guilty of the overused "I'm ready for FRIDAY!" or "I cant wait for the weekend!" A few years ago, I stopped saying this when God cautioned me that I REALLY don't know WHATS lying ahead… and that anything and I mean ANYTHING could happen on Friday to set our world's into complete chaos. Does the surprise of 9/11 ring any bells? I'm sure someone on those fated flights just couldn't WAIT to jump onboard for their trips cross-country. And what about the terminally-ill cancer patient whose been given 6 months to live and for them, Friday marks their expiration date. Most of us think Friday sybolizes our chance to LIVE IT UP even though for others, it's the day their expecting to die.

I'm definitely not saying walk around with a pessimistic view of the world, and to not HOPE for good times and moments of relaxation. What I am saying is that, we should all be mindful of those who don't have life as good as we do and to not take for granted what TODAY means to us. Its only by the grace of God that we've made it safely to this moment and it's crucial that we each remember to take full advantage of the today we've been blessed with. If it does turn out that we get tomorrow off and the city shuts-down, lets all try to do something selfless for someone we encounter… especially strangers. The true measure of love is when you do someone for someone who can't do ANYTHING for you.
1 Life. 1 God. 2 Hands…
Give Love.
SG

If Jesus Paid It All, Why Cant You Pay Me??

EMAIL FROM A FRIEND:
SG, I need some REAL advice. I have been apart of this ministry since 2001 and the person over the ministry asked me to be their assistant in October which I agreed to do. After attending a workshop in June they asked if I was interested in writing for their newletter which I was and so there began my existence within the ministry. The newsletter, while creative and needed, lacks professionalism and I have tried to make suggestions but I have noticed that they are very defensive.....

Here is an email they sent me last week:

Good morning, XXXX,

Hope all is well? I know that you are going through a lot. I want to discuss the class, as you may know you are only allowed to miss 2 classes I pray that you would finish the class. Please let me know if you have any plans on returning to class. Due to your state of being I decided to hold off on publishing your article until you are feeling better and for to let me know when you are ready to talk. Please let me know also if you have decided not be apart of the ministry as well.

Eloquently Yours,
XXXXXXXX XXXX


The "state of being" they are refering to is because I called her and told them that I would not be present at an meeting we had planned and that I wouldn't be at a class last week because my kids were sick. Then I told them that I just needed to take some time to myself. Mother had the flu which I told her earlier in the week but honestly this stems from some things that have been escalating within myself because I have have failed to find a tactful way to express that while I support the ministry I have reservations about my commitment to tasks and schedules that are forced upon me. This comment is the result of an earlier email sent out last week to those of us in the class and ministry in which I felt they were trying to call some people out, and I took offense to it because I think their tactics are sometimes a little over the top....So again, I noticed that since they sent that original email last week, they started texting me and emailing instead of calling like they were doing (which let me know that they were trying to feel me out) because I never responded to the email. but nevertheless, I just want make sure that I am addressing this properly. Thanks!!!

MY REPLY TO MY FRIEND:
I say cut your losses. Since they brought it up (in the email), I'd probably reply with something to this effect:

XXXXXXXXXX-

Thank you for your words of concern. While I appreciate the opportunity of ministry through your publication, regretfully I am resigning my role as staff writer and subsequently, will not be returning to class. May God bless you and work through your vision to reach readers everywhere.

Best regards,
XXXX XXXXX

Your "state of being"???? Girl, shut up. This whole email reads WRONG... I don't like the tone AT ALL.
I think you should be up front and let them know that YOU have made the decision based on what's best for YOU and your kids, if you MUST have a talk with them. But honestly, pettiness and unprofessionalism doesn't merit explanation and I wouldn't go out of my way to give her one. Now, you should fault yourself for not just coming out about this before, versus letting it escalate to you "needing to take time out"... But nevertheless, let it go. HOW MANY WAYS do you need God to show you that YOU need to be writing for YOURSELF?!?! Hardheadedness is a sin, ya know?

ALSO, I just noticed something I'd failed to comment on. THEY ASKED YOU TO BE THEIR ASSISTANT?? Did they offer you a salary? Or any compensatory wages??? NEGRO please! Some of this stress is self-inflicted if you didn't handle this PROFESSIONALLY from the jump. Have you not LEARNED anything from my chapter of working for FREE in ministry??? ESPECIALLY as an assistant. That's a tough job, esp for someone who already HAS FULL-TIME EMPLOYMENT. You're trippin. You have a family! There isnt ANYTHING you should be doing for FREE as it relates to working. Period. Even the Bible says a man should be paid what he is due!

Chunk them the deuces… IN JESUS' NAME!

MY FRIEND's REPLY:
no they weren't paying me and no it wasn't discussed. Initially I honestly didn't realize what I was committing myself to (the exact things that you mentioned) but I was taking all of this as a "maybe God is directing me towards my purpose" so I was cool with the arrangement but then things just started getting out of hand....

MY FINAL WORDS:
And you tell them, "Don't let the doorknob hit ya where the GOOD LORD split ya. Amen!"

U Can't Buy Love, Nor Should U Co-Sign For It!!!

NEVER CO-SIGN FOR A LOVER!! Some people will disagree with me on this but I tend to think those are probably the bad-debt carrying lovers seeking the hand-up and hand-out.

See, co-signing is the equivalent of saying "Yes, Bank of America… I agree to honor Tom's debt and make his payments if he falls on hard times… or leaves me for another woman." Oh hell to the no!

But most people don't look at it like that. THESE are the love-struck fools who generally think that because of "love", Tom should and WOULD OBVIOUSLY make good on his obligation/agreement to pay the loan off. But HOW MANY Judge Judy shows must one view to really see how things happen on a daily basis…

Kim eff's off her credit being irresponsible and trifling with her finances. She drives a 325i.

Kim meets Barry.

Barry has a good job and prime credit.

Barry lives within his means. He drives a Toyota Pathfinder.

Kim gives Barry the best sex he's ever had in his life and subsequently, Barry is sprung.

Kim "needs" a new car… a Mercedes Benz C230.

Barry, being the pussy-whipped clown that he is, offers to "help" Kim get a car with a cash loan/gift toward a down payment.

BUT WAIT! Even with the loan/gift, Kim still cant get a car because of her poor credit score. Not even a Corolla.

Kim cries and gives Barry mind-blowing brains.

Barry offers to co-sign the loan.

Kim gets a 525i with rims.

Barry ends up paying a few car notes during the relationship because Kim is still "struggling".

Eventually, Kim leaves Barry and her BMW for another clown who really takes care of her.Barry now has more debt than he can afford.

Gosh, poor Barry. :-(

OR HOW ABOUT THIS ONE…

Corey is a rapper or music producer or ball player (take your pick… any of these apply).

Because of his "skills" Corey makes lots of $ but only in spurts because he isnt employed full-time.

Corey has sub-prime credit.

Corey meets Alicia.

Alicia is educated with a great job and is what most call "I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T". She's a bad chick!

Corey wines and dines Alicia with his high-class lifestyle. He even discloses his income to her. Alicia feels "trusted" and privileged.

Corey decides he wants to buy a house but lacks the credit or job-history to qualify.

Because of his cash income and standard of "living", Corey insists on a $500K that he promises to pay for.

Since Alicia has seen his bank statements, she feels (comfortable?) putting the property in her name, confident that he can afford to pay the note.

They move in the home together.

Corey also convinces Alicia to finance the furniture needed for a house "like this".

Alicia does.

Corey doesn't get another contract for 6 months.

More money is going out than is coming in.

Corey makes promises of new jobs coming soon to appease Alicia.

Alicia goes deeper in debt to keep things afloat.

Facing the stress at home, Corey secretly begins seeing another woman who pads his pockets "til he gets another deal".

Eventually Corey leaves Alicia for the other chick.

Alicia is now in debt over an entire lifestyle that someone else put on her.

Stupid ass Alicia.

I don't know about you, but I don't feel sorry for ANYBODY that ends up in this situation. CREDIT SCORES are a VERY useful means of determining credit worthiness and BEFORE you decide to go signing your name on the line, you SHOULD investigate whether that gamble is a good one. There are instances where someone has encountered credit problems unexpectedly and is proactively working to correct those financial issues (sickness, unemployment) and its okay to examine those cases to see IF that person is responsible enough to co-sign for. But I'm just saying, MOST OF THE TIME, people who need co-signers are living OUTSIDE OF THEIR MEANS. They're attempting to live like Kimora on a Keylolo budget. Instead of using windfalls of money (tax refunds, settlements, gifts, bonuses) to satisfy bad debt and put some away for a rainy day, they go on TRIPS and shopping! They buy cars and pop bottles in the club. THAT SHIT AINT CUTE! Aint nuthin FABULOUS about bad credit!!!

So anyway, just take my advise and don't do it. If you really love your significant other, I'd suggest sitting down with him/her and going thru their finances to come up with solutions on how to pay down their debt and increase their OWN personal credit scores. Hell, if you just feel generous, you can even GIFT some money towards helping that person pay down debt… a GIFT of GOOD FAITH that he/she will make better money decisions based on this "blessing". But DO NOT assume thousands of $$$ of debt for someone who cant even convince the bank that they are "good for it". Hell, if 30 banks denied the loan, WTF are YOU doing jumping on that sinking ship???

OUT!

The EFF IT List: Valentine's Edition

EFF getting excited because a chick/dude called you YESTERDAY tryin to see you.

ESPECIALLY EFF that nicca that text'd you TODAY tryin to see you. V-Day falls on February 14th EVERY DAMN YEAR and a nicca that cant plan ahead of time to spend today with you is probably using you as a back-up plan.

EFF responding to generic (mass) text messages wishing me a Happy V-Day with the overused, insincere "LOVE YOU" at the end. MF'er, USE MY NAME! Don't be sending me "sentimental" messages if you cant get like Beyonce and "SAY MY NAME SAY MY NAME!" Furthermore, phone calls are much more personal than texts… and WHATEVER HAPPENED TO LOVE LETTERS?! Am I not worth a 42 cent stamp????

EFF letting that lame-ass nicca ruin your v-day. SO WHAT yall had a fight. SO WHAT yall aint speakin today. Lemme tell you something and PLEASE don't be mad at me… BUT…… IF A NICCA PICKS A FIGHT WITH YOU OVER SOME INSIGNIFICANT BULLSHIT WITHIN 72 HOURS OF V-DAY, THAT NICCA IS TRYIN TO DO SOMETHING/SOMEBODY ELSE TODAY! I promise you I'm right. NO ONE wants to spend V-Day alone and if you aint with him over some petty argument, KNOW that he is with someone. Sorry. BUT EFF THAT! Get out and get a drink with your damn self! Its enough singles out there that you can still have a dignified V-Day without being in love.

EFF any and everybody who'se sleeping on The-Dream's cd. If you're having any kinda feelings about love, GO GET THIS CD. My personal faves are on my profile… "Nikki" and "I Love Your Girl". "FUUUKKKK THAT NICCAAAAAAAAA!" You have to download this cd… Support our artists… ITUNES!

EFF the florist in my building who sells 2 dz BEAUTIFUL roses VERY SINGLE WEEK for $20, yet is selling 1 DZ for $25 today. I almost said something very offensive to him this morning… foreal!

EFF the assumption that V-Day has to be a romantic holiday. I'm seriously considering take-out and catching up on The Wire.

EFF "throwing caution to the wind" and making irrational decisions today, "IN THE NAME OF LOVE". I WILL NOT eat senselessly at dinner tonite JUST BECAUSE its V-Day. I WILL NOT spend today with someone JUST SO I CAN SAY I had a date. I WILL NOT jump face-first into this box of chocolates that someone gave me… I have worked TOO DAMN HARD on my diet to throw it all away. I WILL NOT reply to voicemails/emails/texts from niccas I KNOW aint about a damn thing JUST BECAUSE they are getting the love bug…. You were a loser on Feb 13th and you'll be one on the 15th.

EFF finding out about a possible "MAYBE BABY". WTF kind of V-Day gift is that????????
EFF over-indulging on cocktail and champagne too. Its not good for the waistline so WATCH OUT TONITE!

EFF giving someone an "instruction manual" on how to be a good lover. Nicca either you GOT IT or you don't. I can only coach so much, I am NOT mf'ing Bobby Knight. Some things you just have to pick-up on your own. Watch some romantic movies… Listen to some Teddy P… Camp out on the "Romance" aisle in Barnes and Noble. They have TONS of books that you can read FOR FREE… just don't highlight anything or dog-ear the pages!

EFF settling for dating someone who DOESN'T know how to satisfy you. I PROMISE you, that nicca KNOWS when he aint pleasin you… and if he aint making substantial efforts towards improvement, give his ass a bottle of Lubriderm and tell him HOLLA!

EFF patronizing the sex-shops today. IF you happen to be a lucky one and have a HOT DATE tonite, I challenge you to be creative and work with what you already have. Stretch your imagination and get open with your partner. BUT BE SAFE and I don't mean screw with a pistol under your pillow. I mean, practice safe sex. Period.

EFF feeling sorry for youself if you don't have a date tonite. IN TRUTH, today is just another day of the year and its important to have someone who loves you as much on April 5th and August 23rd as they do on Feb 14th. So if you're single, well, maybe you'll meet someone special and get to designate another date as YOUR SPECIAL V-Day. WHO SAYS Valentines cant fall on October 10th???

OUT!

You're Perfect But He Aint Ready: Part 1

My GF sent me a message last month expressing her hurt and heartbreak over a guy she'd been seeing. Apparently, they'd been "dating" off and on for a period of 5 + years and recently had started seeing more of each other when BOOM! He starts hitting her with this half-ass, indecisiveness that many men come with when faced with the decision of monogamy. Here is my response to her email...

No matter HOW perfect you are or how much you do to SHOW a man that you want him, UNLESS he is READY TO SETTLE DOWN, it is all for naught. I often discuss this with my male friends and 100% of them have agreed and admitted to dating at least one woman who was perfect in every desirable aspect... good credit, attractive, good career, God-fearing, educated, sweet, respectable, loyal, loving, good sex, etc... you name it, she's got it. BUT for them, its like, they think they have time. And until they finally decide that they want to be monogamous and have a long-term relationship, they keep on doing them. Women are just the opposite. We find a good catch and settle down. THEY decide to settle down, then pick from whatever is most readily available... perfect or not. I'm sorry that you're feeling so shitty about this but during my first impression of him, he didnt strike me as being "good enough" for you... even on the surface. And the fact that its taken him 5+ years to "try and date you" is more evidence that he aint the MAN you need in your life.

Trust me chica, when a MAN wants something/someone, there is no TRYING involved. He just does it. Impulsively and all. Sucks but its true. He's lame girl. Be glad that you CAN do better because you, my dear, are WORTH so much more than that.

The THAT NICCA DONT WANT YOU List

First, I have to shout out my girl Brae for tellin me ab her encounter with T.N.D.W.Y. reality. Recently, I've had to share this mantra with one of my girlfriends. It went a lil something like this...

TNDWY if he is picking fights over petty shit.

TNDWY if he isn't investing substantial time, effort AND finances in furthering your relationship. What a man wants, he is willing to work for.

TNDWY if he has not taken you around his close friends and family.

TNDWY if he unashamedly flirts with other women in your face or openly admits (boasts) of his other "options".

TNDWY if yall r still "breaking up to make up" after 3 years of dating. He has already discovered and decided what he wants u to be in his life and if he's still takin u thru games, its probably not a wife.

TNDWY if the only thing you have to show for 2+ years of dating is some random ass momentos and dinner dates. Men trick off money on random things with little to no significance (multiple pr of airforce ones, impulsive trips, clubbin and drinking, clothing) and if he isn't breaking bread to do something to make YOU happy, then ur happiness is not a priority. I don't care HOW MUCH he makes even if its not much. A MAN THAT WANTS U WILL SACRIFICE TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOU!

TNDWY if he isn't spending significant holidays/occasions with you. No one wants to be alone on major holidays so if he is picking a fight with u within 72 hours of one, he's just creating enough distance so u can leave him alone long enough that he can be with someone else without distraction.

TNDWY if he isn't willing to be there for you in your time of struggle and discomfort. Inherently, men are problem-solvers and should be our protectors and providers. Any man that shys away from the challenge of comforting you, isn't trying or WANTING to be your man.

TNDWY if yall are miles apart and he isn't either trying to get to you or get you to him. WHO THE EFF OVER THE AGE OF 25 WANTS A PENPAL?!?!?! If he were truly interested, he'd be creating ways to bask in your radiance. if he seems content with not seeing you for extended periods, then TRUST he is already seeing others.

TNDWY if he hasn't begun enquiring about the direction of the relationship or what your feelings for him are. If yall have been "talking" and dating for a period and the subject of "where this relationship is headed" hasn't been discussed, its because he is content with the vagueness and doesn't want to commit. By not addressing the issue, he can avoid having to verbally agree/commit to a position (yes I want to date u exclusively), because once he does commit to a decision, he knows expectations also follow. without a commitment he is free to do whatever, whenever. but a man that WANTS U will want to lock u down and confirm his intentions so that u don't move on without him.

TNDWY if you can only see him in public places like clubs/parties/bars OR if invitations to visit are accompanied with him tryin to create an intimate moment ESPECIALLY late nights after the clubbin. DANGER! DANGER! DO NOT VISIT A NICCA AFTER THE CLUB!! He will screw you at 3am and then take his main girl out to lunch and shopping at 3pm. TRUST.

TNDWY if his excuses for his lack of interest or time with you are always due to his work schedule. YOU CAN FIND TIME FOR WHAT YOU WANT TO MAKE TIME FOR. That applies to everyone and every situation. Even if it means sacrificing some sleep or cutting back on something else. But trust, for the right one he is and will FIND TIME to be with her.

I plan on adding to the list but this was so crucial to post that I composed this entire blog from my Mogul. If you enjoyed this or want to add something, leave a comment below.