Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Stop Searching For a Husband In The Club!

Dear Summer G,
Girl! pls tell me you have some awesome thoughts running in your head right abt now about how these NIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAS and i repeat niggas can act. ugggggh....need a good blog 2 read right abt now.our Black meni tell you summerour black men.
honestly, I’m jst @ a space in my life where I truly dont understand HOW in God’s creation are "men" a.k.a. boys attempting to be a man...think it’s ok to be over the age of 25 (hell 21 y.o) and think it’s cute to still be out here jst hoe’n arnd! Life is soooo much more than that. I’m like Dude! show me your credit score! Can you buy a house Today if u wanted to?? or is your focus the next party you can hit up to take some ’rank random home???? gotta be kidding me! Life is soooo much more than freakin DALLAS and these ’rank *** girls. What happened to chilvary and treating a lady like a LADY?! now it’s like uhhh i wanna date a girl who works @ DG’s...iccck. icck icck. gross.i’m jst sick and tired of the bulllllll. Grow up dudes, grow up. ugggh~i’m never one to be on the whole niggas aint ish tip but GiRl, they pushing me girl,they pushin me! And Summer its not even really ABT me. honestly. its the way my girls, my cousins co workers are being treated or allowing these foolwanery’s to treat THEM. I’m jst extra passionate abt it because I’ve been thr done that bought the t shirt. So when I see my friends hurting damn you’ve hurt me!
I’m real quick to cut u off and act like I never knew you...its these other igmo’s who think it’s cute to try to hit the next random and then treat my loved ones like CRAP!!!!!!!! and it’s our own Black men doing it to their own Black women!!!Regarding me.....I’m super quick to say "nicca bye i’m too fly for that" and move on. To the left to the left. I have no time for stupidity. My family taught me better than that. so trust me this is for my girls...but i too can be reminded. i lack PATIENCE of dealing with stupid shyt. Hence the reason I cut a fool off real quick. Is that badd????? The first sign of a guy acting a hot mess I seriously cut them off. I’m jst toooo damn old for this foolishness.
Your thoughts??


_So Over the Lame Shyt_

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REPLY TO MY FRIEND

Dear _So Over The Lame Shyt_,

special... just for you...b/c i PROMISE i was about to logoff and goto bed... (lol)

I’ve been down this road too girl...we all have. Sadly, its the chicks that lack self-esteem and substance that make it harder on those of us that DO actually have standards... HOWEVER, some of it is us too because we continually search for diamonds and rubies among coal and clay.

The best thing we as single women can do for ourselves it to shift our TOTAL ATTENTION away from meeting someone and focus on fulfilling our own purposes in life. We are born and bred to be mothers, and subsequently WIVES because who wants to have a child out of wedlock? So when we hit that "phase", we start longing for marriage and try desperately to fit a nicca into that husband-mold, even when he doesnt want to be. And CLEARLY, these niccas will SHOW YOU just how much they DONT WANT TO BE MARRIED by their actions, yet we keep thinking "if i’m perfect enough, SURELY he wont let me get away!" WRONG. Men dont work like this. they wait until they are ready to get married and THEN start looking for a wife. Its kinda wack b/c they admittedly let many MANY perfect women slip thru their fingers all because they simply AINT ready... they think they’re gonna miss something. And so as wise women, we need to take the cue and leave their asses ALONE! When a nicca is ready for that next level, he goes to the limit to make it clear. If that aint happening, keep it moving.

Also, theres no hope finding a husband in the club or on "the scene". 1, most guys arent looking for anything serious in the club... just a good time. You’re better off being introduced to someone by a mutual friend via internet... but in the club, its a lost cause... ESPECIALLY if he’s a club whore... or God-forbid, a "promoter". *gasp* lol Theres no point really, unless you are sincerely out with your girls to "do yall" and just kick it as women, enjoying each others company... These niccas are oblivous to quality and things we wear/do/say to get their attention. In fact, we get more accomplished when we 86 their asses as if they are meaningless. **By the way, i’m actually in the middle of writing a song about this very subject**

But anyhoo chica, its just the way it is, unfortunately, especially with guys in our age group. There are some that are looking for a serious relationship BUT I would bet most of them arent looking for it in women they see every week in the club. I had to have that reality disclosed to me by my ex from years ago... a guy from a very prominent family. Now, we clashed for a variety of reasons... he was stuck on living life thru a facade and phony perceptions... image... he wanted me to be someone i wasnt. BUT the one valuable thing I did take from our relationship is that men hold very DEAR to their hearts the kind of woman they want to marry... the woman that will bear their children and carry their last names. So, everything this woman does goes under scrutiny during courtship b/c they are trying to make SURE she not only represents herself as a lady, but him also. I think he was overboard on most of his issues but I can see the perspective that perhaps some of those things give the wrong impression. If we want to be seen as marriage material, theres definitely some things we might need to eliminate from the reportoire... like hugging the "homeboys" when you walk thru the party (kinda looks a lil flirtatious)... and over-socializing... Boys always like the "quiet girl"... the "good girl"... she’s more mysterious.

But anyhoo.. I’m on a tangent now. Me just playing the devil’s advocate like I always do, just trying to see BOTH ends of the perspective.My bottom line though, is "let sleeping dogs lie". Get out and mingle and be around more diverse people (*read "GROWN ASS MEN"*).
The marrying type is NOT in Clear... or M Bar... or Sting. I PROMISE!!! You may get a decent homie or network connection there but overall, these niccas aint about a damn and DAMN SHO and about YOU! Its all a selfish game. Dudes that are constantly in the club arent interested in quiet nights at home boo’ed up, else they would BE at home, Boo’ed UP… not tryin to get new phone numbers and MAKING IT RAIN in the club! And for us women, we gotta stop trying to convince a nicca to settle down and grow up. WHEN THEY ARE READY, THEY WILL.

So chica... me understanding that just keeps me grinding on this music. I work and hustle so I can nevermind these worthless niccas. Someone who is serious about me will appeal to my overall intellect and take an interest in the WOMAN that I am, not just some superficial shit. I have a lotta flaws, but the right one will take the time to appreciate the totality of who I am. Girl we ar GROWN okay?!? We’re both in our late twenties and clearly YEARS beyond our counterparts. Lets just keep it real…

IF YOU WANT DIFFERENT RESULTS, YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!
This applies to personal actions and the people you place yourself around… opportunities that you take advantage of!

I’m thinking along the lines of PROFESSIONAL MEN... men that "throw on a suit and get it tapered up!" Nevermind the fads, the "fly nicca in the club" doing the most, the niccas that just party ALL THE TIME. How about the reserved, quiet one… the one you rarely see… He’s that one that isnt caught up in the nightlife. He’s sexy.Okay, sleepy now.Time to turn in… BUT

REMEMBER,
Girl you ARE fly and beautiful. You deserve QUALITY and SUBSTANCE.Until love finds you, just focus on things you can control... like your own growth and wellbeing. Relationships require the participation of 2 (or more) people... no sense in stressing over the unpredictable!! You’ll be okay mama… we all will.
Just stay true to you and never forget your worth! NEVER!SG~

P.S. IN response to the male comments I’ve gotten, allow me to amend with the following:
Ladies, if you want to be seen as someone worth wifing (wife-ing), then there are things you/we must do/become to get that sort of attention. Yes, there are a LOT Of chickenheads in the club and on the pole... We must distinguish ourselves as being above that. Far beit from me to tell someone HOW to act, but definitely, a little self-assessment would go along away. And also........
quit lettin these niccas sell you a DREAM. this goes for men and women. There comes a time in one’s life... a maturing stage when, its just time to lose the surface shit and get down to the nitty gritty. Take a close look at WHO you are and WHAT you need/expect in a significant other. Then, consider what you are willing and READY to bring to the table in that relationship. If you cant offer something substantial to the picture, perhaps the problem is in you. And likewise, if you’re courting someone thats not enriching your being, then maybe thats not the healthiest relationship for you either.

SG~

The Dangers of Wishful Thinking

While on the elevator today, I overheard some people talking about the cold-front that hit our city this morning and the expected rain/sleet/snow to come tonight. Then moments later, my counterparts began discussing the possibilities of inclement weather causing our offices to shut-down, thus resulting in an off-day tomorrow. Of course, everyone in the office is working with anticipation of being off on the company dime, but I just don't feel the same excitement. Why?

Well, historically when we have bad weather in Dallas, its normally in the form of sleet and 2-4 inches of snow that really don't stick but cause dangerous driving conditions on the roads and bridges. Because Dallas is such a big city, everything and everyone is spread out from one side of the metroplex to the other, resulting in 98% of Dallas residents commuting to/from work. EVERY SINGLE TIME this happens, the weather becomes the top story on newscasts all day with "Breaking Reports" interrupting regular programming… reports that list school/office closings and caution people to stay off the roads unless it's a dire emergency. That being said, I just cant celebrate this "good news" of bad weather because well…


Someone's son/daughter will have a fatal car accident. Because of the possible school closings some child who looks forward to retreating to school as a safe-haven from their unhealthy home environment, will be forced to stay in the house all day… maybe alone or maybe in the company of people who do him/her harm. It's a stretch, but it happens. For many people, tomorrow's inclement weather wont be welcomed. Tomorrow, because of the weather and subsequent hazardous conditions, someone will suffer and someone will die.

As I began really thinking about this, other "wishful thinking" phrases popped into my head. We all are guilty of the overused "I'm ready for FRIDAY!" or "I cant wait for the weekend!" A few years ago, I stopped saying this when God cautioned me that I REALLY don't know WHATS lying ahead… and that anything and I mean ANYTHING could happen on Friday to set our world's into complete chaos. Does the surprise of 9/11 ring any bells? I'm sure someone on those fated flights just couldn't WAIT to jump onboard for their trips cross-country. And what about the terminally-ill cancer patient whose been given 6 months to live and for them, Friday marks their expiration date. Most of us think Friday sybolizes our chance to LIVE IT UP even though for others, it's the day their expecting to die.


I'm definitely not saying walk around with a pessimistic view of the world, and to not HOPE for good times and moments of relaxation. What I am saying is that, we should all be mindful of those who don't have life as good as we do and to not take for granted what TODAY means to us. Its only by the grace of God that we've made it safely to this moment and it's crucial that we each remember to take full advantage of the today we've been blessed with. If it does turn out that we get tomorrow off and the city shuts-down, lets all try to do something selfless for someone we encounter… especially strangers. The true measure of love is when you do someone for someone who can't do ANYTHING for you.
1 Life. 1 God. 2 Hands…
Give Love.
SG