Monday, October 6, 2008

The "When I'm Bored" Files: Obama Edition


I stumbled upon an OLD issue of Photoshop Creative magazine and there was a project in there that inspired me to create something to commemorate the election. Here it is...

I'd actually done something really dang fly earlier today but havent been able to locate which flash drive I saved it on... or if I even saved it.

*shm*

Oh well. Today was the deadline for voter registration for the Nov 4th election day sooooo I hope yall were good little citizens and have been keeping up with your civil duties!

Si se puede, yall!

SG

Association Yields Assimilation... Say Word.

So I just happened to wind up on someone's myspace page and my eyes focused in on a line of a paragraph that read "Association breeds assimilation..."
And it got me to thinking about my own habits and associations...
For instance, when I'm playing soccer in an adult league, or dating an avid exerciser I tend to stay more consistent with my workout schedule because there's some accountability involved...
Or like how I'm single and pretty much ALL of the women in my circle (with the exception of my boss) are all single women. **I'm beginning to think loneliness is a spirit and I REBUKE it, ITNOJ!!!"
How about my songwriting career for example... how I'm my most productive when I'm surrounded by other creative individuals and people who have attained some level of greatness that I aspire for. That DRIVES me... the will to succeed and carve my own way in the wood. Greatness inspires greatness, not laziness, therefore, I STAY around positive, forward-moving people.
I guess it was just seeing it stated in those 3 words is what really forced me to pause and analyze my affiliations because perhaps I've allowed outside forces to impact my decisions. Its definitely worth considering.
Anyhoo, its been one of those looooong rainy days. BTW, the bank did indeed screw up something today AND waste 5 minutes of my life that i will NOT get back, therefore I am allowed 1 curse word...
SPIT!
*sigh* I digress. Its time for bed.
XOXO
SG

Sunday, October 5, 2008

To eHarmony or NOT to eHarmony... THAT is the question.

Yes it has come to this...
I came home and found myself on Yahoo! Personals perusing the ads.. (only 2 of the 55 actually seemed remotely interesting)... and then I see that the "subscription rate" is $95/6 months. OOOHH NOOOO! Not the kid. Umph hmph. I cannot WILL NOT pay $95 for a chance to meet someone that I might want to "see". I'm cheap, not desperate.
So then my mama calls and I mention it to her and she suggests eHarmony at a rate of $39/3 months. Really its not THAT much difference, but I'm still thinking it will be a waste of time.
Has it REALLY come to this? Posting "personal ads" on public sites HOPING that Prince Charming might click his way into your inbox? SO SAD. Anybody got any ideas?
SG

Friday, October 3, 2008

The Proliferation of the Maybe Baby


There are things in this life that I will not come to understand before I die. Quantum physics... Human Spontaneous Combustion... Whitney Houston's fall from glory... Conversations with Anna Nicole Smith... THESE THINGS I can and have accepted.

But HOW IN THE WORLD a grown *blank* man can create a child and not find out until the child is 10 years old, is NOT one of them.

Yes people, there is a plague sweeping the great plains of our nation... wiping out the bank accounts of (would-be) superstar athletes and R&B crooners alike... a disease so potent and fatal, that it threatens to extinguish the species of "eligible black bachelor" as we know it. That threat is the "maybe baby."

As a successfully independent, 27-year old CHILDLESS woman, it really is beyond me HOW such a strain of disease could come to be soooooo... common! I mean, I look at my accomplishments and my values... hell and even if I didn't have time for that and simply look in the mirror, I would see what I believe most people see... an attractive "got-her-ish-together" woman whose done a great job at maintaining her marketability. And perhaps I'm biased because I'm talking about self, so let me put "self" on the shelf and take a look around me. Within the handful of friendships that I have with my female counterparts, I see similary qualities. Young women with goals and ambitions, independence and values... 80% of that handful are childless. Now clearly, all of us arent practicing abstinence (though I do practice on Sundays and every other Thursday), so it goes without saying that sex is being "had". But what I'm NOT really understanding about this whole situation is...

HOW IN THE HECK a guy can lay up with a woman without protection... A woman whom he is NOT in a committed (or long-term) relationship with... bust a move on her as if he DOESNT KNOW (yeah right)... only to find out months or years later that in the last :32 seconds of Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love To You", that he furtilized an egg... that ish is beyond me.

First of all, WHO DOES THIS? No wait, I know who "does this"... my beautiful black MEN "does this"... Sadly, its more of the ones that ought to KNOW BETTER, that "does this" the most! Why and HOW can you seemingly successful men take that risk... the risk of not only impregnating a jump-off and being tied to the hip to this person for the rest of your life? Nevermind the risks of diseases that threaten your life... the life you work SO very hard to achieve and attain... the life in which you and your family have struggled to put you thru school and the hard work you've put into becoming WHO YOU ARE (whoever you are), all so that either
a) you contract a life-threatening disease or
b) procreate a child that was not conceived in love but in passion (or maybe just inebriation) that you now have to begrudgingly break bread for.
I'm not understanding this rationale at all. Help me somebody. If the argument is that you're ready to start a family and have a "mini-me" because lots of you secretly are looking forward to that, how about actually procreating with someone you love and trust (preferably a wife... hello!) and at the very least, someone you want to be with for a LONG LONG LONG time. But no, the maybe baby is never carried in the womb of a true love... No, the maybe baby is the secret... the dark cloud... the game-changer (literally)... the little life that remains hidden until one of two things happens.

Now, in my experience the maybe baby's existence arises either...

a) when said jump-off's relationship ends with her normal lover and she has to quit passing the pregnancy off as his but rather, needs to confess that you are indeed "that baby's daddy" because she now needs a new sponsor for this child

and/or

b) when said jump-off discovers the opportunity for financial gain by announcing the existence of said maybe baby. this typically happens once baby-daddy gets drafted or signs a large contract... when baby daddy comes into substantial financial gains... Now, in the situations that I am aware of, it is argueable and even likely that said jump-off ALLOWED babydaddy to forgo usage of profilactics and welcomed the insurgence of his "little soldiers" because said jump-off's sixth-sense knew that financial gains might be in the future, and thus she could come-up thru producing a "dependent".


Either way, baby daddy has no one to blame but himself because in 72% of these "maybe baby" cases, baby daddy stands to be the one with more at-stake. Also, at the risk of sounding like I'm excusing trifling jump-offs, let me say this.

Our eggs are ever-present, meaning we dont "bust an egg"... Yet, men have the voluntary (or involuntary depending on how you look at it) fertilization equipment and thus, must decide how to handle such powerful equipment. We dont feel the burst of elation coming, MEN DO. Therefore, since we dont control it and you do, you "eligible black bachelors" should take more care in protecting and maintating the equipment. I am a firm proponent of using protection at ALL times. Never been much of relying solely on BC because BC doesnt prevent HIV. *hmph!* But at the very least, as it relates to this post, if you cant contain your soldiers then it would seem logical that the next step is to stock up on condoms! We dont yank the sperm out, you SHOOT it our way. So if your aim is bad... or too strong... or whatever, wrap it up for Pete's sake!

Anyhoo~~~ enough of me griping the fellas out. I have a beef to pick with these jump-offs that wind up in this situation.

HOW IS IT that you can carry a child without knowing WHODABABYDADYIS? I say this because most 'da time, the jump-off truly isnt 100% sure WHO fathered the child and its (better?) to wait until the child is born to find out. I've known people who wanted to see who the baby looked like first before they confessed either way about the true parentage, AS IF looks are the proof. Like, HOW MANY men let their cup runneth over in your business? And after you come to a numerical value, please explain WHY that was a good idea???

All in all, I'm just disgusted that of the last 7 years, the last 4 guys that I've had slight interest in, ALL 4 had "maybe baby" situations. All 4 were successful men without any previous children and all the jump-offs were women that they weren't involved with. I could almost excuse it if it happens with someone you love and then comes back around once the relationship is dissolved but still, it burdens me.

It burdens me that while I'm doing all I can to be responsible (not just in not making children out of wedlock, but also by protecting myself from disease), men that I would otherwise be interested in long-term are being careless with their decisions. And while the Bible teaches us to forgive and not be judgmental, I would be the one left with the decision of whether I want to sign up for "him and his baby mama"s issues... I'm the one making compromises because he couldn't see that his future was more important than 4 minutes of going raw-dog. Its not fair. There's a whole nother angle to this... the child thats being created outside of a 2-parent household... the child in the middle of these issues... the child thats suffering even though he/she doesnt ask to be here or put into this situation... and maybe I will come back and address that angle later.

The point though is that I and my peers, other single, successful, eligible bachelorettes, are sick and tired of having to be "understanding" of "maybe baby" drama. Its not fair that we fall in love with you only to discover well AFTER the fact that you have mystery seeds scattered elsewhere. Its not fair that in this relationship and life that we've built together, you are now introducing an entirely NEW dynamic of a new child and woman with which we must deal with regardless of how uncomfortable it might be... And why do we deal? Because we LOVE YOU. But oh, what we really wish...

Is that you would love YOURSELF enough to protect yourself against disease and unwanted pregnancies and consider what either of those dynamics would mean to the future love of your life

Be safe. Be easy. Be blessed.

SG
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TOPIC SUBMITTED BY: ALEXIA McWHINNEY (HOUSTON, TX) THANKS A TON LEX!!!
GOT A TOPIC? SEND IT TO SUMMERGALVEZ@GMAIL.COM and I'LL POST IT!
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Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Dating for Dummies Part 1: Bat Signals

Summer G: Okay so tell me something... I hear all the time that I'm intimidating. Do you agree??? Do guys tell you that?
Nic: it seriously cannot be about actual friendliness and intimidation because I am the least friendly chick you know, yet somehow people approach all the time
Summer G: okay so you're saying that friendliness does not equate to approachability because you are getting approached despite your bad attitude, right?
Nic: bingo and you are way more friendly/outgoing than me, so it must be the type of hints you are giving off
Summer G: hints? HA! go figure.
Nic: i mean, what else can you call it...clues...
Summer G: i think my approach (or lack thereof) is more natural
Nic: it's possibly too friendly
Summer G: like, only 1 in 5,232 guys are gonna be THAT incredible that i am immediately smitten... that being said, i prefer to get to know a person... AS FRIENDS first
Nic: you give off the "I wanna be your homegirl" you can go play hoops with vibe...not the "ask me out to dinner if you wanna get to know me" vibe
Summer G: no sense in getting emotionally attached/involved with a looneytoon!
Nic: but you gotta put it out there that you are not auditioning BFF candidates...because one you get put in the friend zone it's hard to transition out
Summer G: HAHAHAHHAHAAA!!! is THAT the vibe I give off??
Nic: YES it is
Summer G: LMAO
Nic: starting out as friends is of course the way to go...but do you want to end up as friends...look at the end goal SG
Summer G: <
Nic: sad but true
Summer G: but thats just it!
Nic: what is just it? enlighten me on your approach
Summer G: 99.946282% of the guys do not meet my "end goal" standards!
Nic: because they are not exceedingly tall and unattractive?
Summer G: YES! hehehheheee
Nic: as CC would implore...listen listen please listen
Summer G: i mean, i definitely dont go INTO it looking for unattractive men, but an absolute MUST is height. I'm 5'10"... aint nothin i can do with a midget. NOT NOTHING!
Nic: you have to get over the physical rut that you are in...i'm not saying start dating midgets, but you gotta at least take a gander at an average size man
Summer G: that being said, its like i only audition tall men... and of those tall men most arent what you would consider "handsome"... in fact, most arent handsome.
Nic: and by average, i mean someone who is taller than you in heels. i know a handful of regular height men who are attractive that have shown an interest in you, only to be shot down at the first word...they stood no chance from the jump
Summer G: then when you start subtractign the crazies... the ones with multiple babymamas... those with criminal records... bad credit... live with their mamas... promote parties (lol).... the pickings are down right SLIM!
Nic: you will have to take applications from all manner of folk to narrow the audition pool down to a handful..it aint easy but so it goes
Summer G: WTF@ "All manner of folk" time out... TIME OUT!!!
Nic: and by taking application, i mean, you will have to have a conversation with people you dont normally think you would like... not shoot them down the minute they look your way
Summer G: i do! you just said i was the friendliest chick in Texas! i am QUITE the conversationista!
Nic: but you shoot them down after hello
Summer Galvez: uumm... no i dont.
Nic: or you give them the idea that they have no chance to follow up so they give up
Summer G: TIME OUT i said
Nic: that's exactly what it is....you will give hope to FAMILIAR all day, but you give no hope to NEW
Summer G: WHO might this handful of people that I shot down include?
Nic: is this gonna be copied/pasted...i'll use code names
Summer G: Familiar can kick rocks to hell... I've been over that. yes code please
Nic: sexual chocolate in MIA for one...i was so pissy about that one

Summer G: LMAO! I'm still pissy about that one.
Nic: you should be
Summer G: i was sleepy... tired... if its meant to come back around then...next!
Nic: i'm almost afraid to say this one b/c he doesn't meet the height requirement, but i swear he would treat you so right and be sooooo good to you
Summer G: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO??????
Nic: but he has no chance because he lost the genetic lotto for height...beautiful teeth, smiles with his eyes.. you know who
Summer G: *hits da flo, chips tooth on the desk on her way down* dammit NIC!
Nic: he's been in pseudo love with you since the day/evening he laid eyes on you
Nic: and you know it
Summer G: hahahahhahhaaa@ "smiles with his eyes"
Nic: say he doesn't
Summer G: i'm over here about to get FIRED!
Nic: me too...i'm spitting water all over my keyboard
Summer G: girl next... he doest meet ANY requirements, not just height.. smile yes... lifestyle no.
Nic: you don't know that..you are just going off his height or lack thereof
Summer G: i know his employers and i know he aint filing W-2s
Nic: but whatever...if you wanna be closed minded, then fine
Summer G: and i know i dont need uncle sam in my life
Nic: not W-2s
Summer G: and because i know these things, i know he doesn have medical insurance... insurance is CRIT-I-CAL!
Nic: moving on before i start gasping for air from holding my stomach
Summer G: you know i'm right. okay so nevermind the guys.. how do you suggest that i correct the problem of being "unapproachable"
Nic: so even in we take SWHE (smiles with his eyes) out of the picture, we are still left with a conundrum of how you can be more approachable
Summer G: right...LMAO@ SWHE tho... fuuunnnnnnnny!
Nic: when you have conversations with dudes, does it ever progress to a point where you are discussing the possibility of a one on one outing...coffee, lunch, something that cannot be miscontrued as a date per se, but is still an opportunity to see them in different light to determine if they are worth auditioning for the role of pseudo boo?
Summer G: now, how do you define "ever"?? lol... i'm joking.
Summer G: ya know, its interesting. i guess because I am so used to "recycling" i dont really go out of my way to audition "new"

Nic: exactly.
Summer G: it happens, but its few and far between... take Trouble for example
Nic: you meet new, but new never makes it past the initial hello/how are you conversation
Summer G: he was persistent... negro blew my phone up that night then during church the next day... he was insistent on seeing me asap and it was really cool! and i appreciated that because he knew what he wanted and made a move.
Nic: i think that's a perfect example...and you cannot be discouraged b/c you figured out early that he wasn't about ISH
Summer G: most guys dont make a move. they pussy-foot around being all shy and ish... aint nobody got time to play Miss Cleo... either you wanna ride the ride or you dont.
Nic: you play by the rules and sometimes you meet a great dude, and sometimes you meet the white linen whackness that is Trouble
Summer G: going back to SWHE... he's never made a "move" so i dont feel he should count
Nic: i dont think he's ever gotten the vibe that it would be ok for him to make a move...he needs some kind of bat signal from you
Summer G: Neither should Chocolate Fury (in MIA) because he let me talk all manner of trash on the Tonk table... he couldnt match my wit. he bored me to sleep.
Nic: everytime he's seen you it's been in a group setting and he's never been given anything more than a passing glance
Nic: not Choco Fury
Summer G: would've been nice if he could've "put me to bed" in another way tho... HAHAHHAAA... I'm clowning. my bad
Nic: I had to take a moment and compose myself on that one
Summer G: lol@bat signals.
Nic: Choco Fury has all the physical traits...he may be lacking in the mental stimulation dept, but you will never know b/c he didnt get a bat signal either and he vanished into the nite
Summer G: indeed he did
Nic: so what's the take away from this SG....men need bat signals...
Summer G: hmph... and took all his chocolate fury with himl. DANGIT!
Summer G: bat signals... okay. so tomorrow we discuss bat signals, deal?

Nic: and boy is he furious...so damn fine for no good reason
Nic: well damn, now i gotta figure out how to define bat signals...
Summer G: good... thats your homework!
Summer G: b/c clearly i dont know

Nic: BS...this is your blog. not mine
Summer G: think of yourself as a correspondent.
Summer G: guest host
Summer G: contributer

Nic: i don't wanna blog or share my thoughts with the world wide web...i share them with you. you filter them and do what you like with them
Summer G: well how about this... how about we let readers leave comments helping me understand "bat signals"
Nic: bingo
Summer G: lame-o
Nic: whatever - o
Summer G: Okay, well i'm Audi-5000
Nic: i dont know how to define it
Summer G: dong anything tonite?
Nic: alright chica...i will call you later. technically i have a non date
Summer G: hahahahahahaaa! with D.E.?
Nic: who?
Nic: dead end?
Nic: STFU...
Summer G: hehehehheheheeee
Nic: wow. no
Summer G: with whom?
Nic: MM...mystery man...no magic just yet...i'll keep you posted
Summer G: you so you have one too, eh?
Nic: not really but i'm not divulging shit if you aren't either...ha
Summer G: its cool... good luck with that! everybody needs something to hope for!
Nic: ahhh...hope. gotta love it
Summer G: ttyl