Stop Searching For a Husband In The Club!

Dear Summer G,
Girl! pls tell me you have some awesome thoughts running in your head right abt now about how these NIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAS and i repeat niggas can act. ugggggh....need a good blog 2 read right abt now.our Black meni tell you summerour black men.
honestly, I’m jst @ a space in my life where I truly dont understand HOW in God’s creation are "men" a.k.a. boys attempting to be a man...think it’s ok to be over the age of 25 (hell 21 y.o) and think it’s cute to still be out here jst hoe’n arnd! Life is soooo much more than that. I’m like Dude! show me your credit score! Can you buy a house Today if u wanted to?? or is your focus the next party you can hit up to take some ’rank random home???? gotta be kidding me! Life is soooo much more than freakin DALLAS and these ’rank *** girls. What happened to chilvary and treating a lady like a LADY?! now it’s like uhhh i wanna date a girl who works @ DG’s...iccck. icck icck. gross.i’m jst sick and tired of the bulllllll. Grow up dudes, grow up. ugggh~i’m never one to be on the whole niggas aint ish tip but GiRl, they pushing me girl,they pushin me! And Summer its not even really ABT me. honestly. its the way my girls, my cousins co workers are being treated or allowing these foolwanery’s to treat THEM. I’m jst extra passionate abt it because I’ve been thr done that bought the t shirt. So when I see my friends hurting damn you’ve hurt me!
I’m real quick to cut u off and act like I never knew you...its these other igmo’s who think it’s cute to try to hit the next random and then treat my loved ones like CRAP!!!!!!!! and it’s our own Black men doing it to their own Black women!!!Regarding me.....I’m super quick to say "nicca bye i’m too fly for that" and move on. To the left to the left. I have no time for stupidity. My family taught me better than that. so trust me this is for my girls...but i too can be reminded. i lack PATIENCE of dealing with stupid shyt. Hence the reason I cut a fool off real quick. Is that badd????? The first sign of a guy acting a hot mess I seriously cut them off. I’m jst toooo damn old for this foolishness.
Your thoughts??

_So Over the Lame Shyt_

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REPLY TO MY FRIEND

Dear _So Over The Lame Shyt_,

special... just for you...b/c i PROMISE i was about to logoff and goto bed... (lol)

I’ve been down this road too girl...we all have. Sadly, its the chicks that lack self-esteem and substance that make it harder on those of us that DO actually have standards... HOWEVER, some of it is us too because we continually search for diamonds and rubies among coal and clay.

The best thing we as single women can do for ourselves it to shift our TOTAL ATTENTION away from meeting someone and focus on fulfilling our own purposes in life. We are born and bred to be mothers, and subsequently WIVES because who wants to have a child out of wedlock? So when we hit that "phase", we start longing for marriage and try desperately to fit a nicca into that husband-mold, even when he doesnt want to be. And CLEARLY, these niccas will SHOW YOU just how much they DONT WANT TO BE MARRIED by their actions, yet we keep thinking "if i’m perfect enough, SURELY he wont let me get away!" WRONG. Men dont work like this. they wait until they are ready to get married and THEN start looking for a wife. Its kinda wack b/c they admittedly let many MANY perfect women slip thru their fingers all because they simply AINT ready... they think they’re gonna miss something. And so as wise women, we need to take the cue and leave their asses ALONE! When a nicca is ready for that next level, he goes to the limit to make it clear. If that aint happening, keep it moving.

Also, theres no hope finding a husband in the club or on "the scene". 1, most guys arent looking for anything serious in the club... just a good time. You’re better off being introduced to someone by a mutual friend via internet... but in the club, its a lost cause... ESPECIALLY if he’s a club whore... or God-forbid, a "promoter". *gasp* lol Theres no point really, unless you are sincerely out with your girls to "do yall" and just kick it as women, enjoying each others company... These niccas are oblivous to quality and things we wear/do/say to get their attention. In fact, we get more accomplished when we 86 their asses as if they are meaningless. **By the way, i’m actually in the middle of writing a song about this very subject**

But anyhoo chica, its just the way it is, unfortunately, especially with guys in our age group. There are some that are looking for a serious relationship BUT I would bet most of them arent looking for it in women they see every week in the club. I had to have that reality disclosed to me by my ex from years ago... a guy from a very prominent family. Now, we clashed for a variety of reasons... he was stuck on living life thru a facade and phony perceptions... image... he wanted me to be someone i wasnt. BUT the one valuable thing I did take from our relationship is that men hold very DEAR to their hearts the kind of woman they want to marry... the woman that will bear their children and carry their last names. So, everything this woman does goes under scrutiny during courtship b/c they are trying to make SURE she not only represents herself as a lady, but him also. I think he was overboard on most of his issues but I can see the perspective that perhaps some of those things give the wrong impression. If we want to be seen as marriage material, theres definitely some things we might need to eliminate from the reportoire... like hugging the "homeboys" when you walk thru the party (kinda looks a lil flirtatious)... and over-socializing... Boys always like the "quiet girl"... the "good girl"... she’s more mysterious.

But anyhoo.. I’m on a tangent now. Me just playing the devil’s advocate like I always do, just trying to see BOTH ends of the perspective.My bottom line though, is "let sleeping dogs lie". Get out and mingle and be around more diverse people (*read "GROWN ASS MEN"*).
The marrying type is NOT in Clear... or M Bar... or Sting. I PROMISE!!! You may get a decent homie or network connection there but overall, these niccas aint about a damn and DAMN SHO and about YOU! Its all a selfish game. Dudes that are constantly in the club arent interested in quiet nights at home boo’ed up, else they would BE at home, Boo’ed UP… not tryin to get new phone numbers and MAKING IT RAIN in the club! And for us women, we gotta stop trying to convince a nicca to settle down and grow up. WHEN THEY ARE READY, THEY WILL.

So chica... me understanding that just keeps me grinding on this music. I work and hustle so I can nevermind these worthless niccas. Someone who is serious about me will appeal to my overall intellect and take an interest in the WOMAN that I am, not just some superficial shit. I have a lotta flaws, but the right one will take the time to appreciate the totality of who I am. Girl we ar GROWN okay?!? We’re both in our late twenties and clearly YEARS beyond our counterparts. Lets just keep it real…

IF YOU WANT DIFFERENT RESULTS, YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!
This applies to personal actions and the people you place yourself around… opportunities that you take advantage of!

I’m thinking along the lines of PROFESSIONAL MEN... men that "throw on a suit and get it tapered up!" Nevermind the fads, the "fly nicca in the club" doing the most, the niccas that just party ALL THE TIME. How about the reserved, quiet one… the one you rarely see… He’s that one that isnt caught up in the nightlife. He’s sexy.Okay, sleepy now.Time to turn in… BUT

REMEMBER,
Girl you ARE fly and beautiful. You deserve QUALITY and SUBSTANCE.Until love finds you, just focus on things you can control... like your own growth and wellbeing. Relationships require the participation of 2 (or more) people... no sense in stressing over the unpredictable!! You’ll be okay mama… we all will.
Just stay true to you and never forget your worth! NEVER!SG~

P.S. IN response to the male comments I’ve gotten, allow me to amend with the following:
Ladies, if you want to be seen as someone worth wifing (wife-ing), then there are things you/we must do/become to get that sort of attention. Yes, there are a LOT Of chickenheads in the club and on the pole... We must distinguish ourselves as being above that. Far beit from me to tell someone HOW to act, but definitely, a little self-assessment would go along away. And also........
quit lettin these niccas sell you a DREAM. this goes for men and women. There comes a time in one’s life... a maturing stage when, its just time to lose the surface shit and get down to the nitty gritty. Take a close look at WHO you are and WHAT you need/expect in a significant other. Then, consider what you are willing and READY to bring to the table in that relationship. If you cant offer something substantial to the picture, perhaps the problem is in you. And likewise, if you’re courting someone thats not enriching your being, then maybe thats not the healthiest relationship for you either.

SG~

The Dangers of Wishful Thinking

While on the elevator today, I overheard some people talking about the cold-front that hit our city this morning and the expected rain/sleet/snow to come tonight. Then moments later, my counterparts began discussing the possibilities of inclement weather causing our offices to shut-down, thus resulting in an off-day tomorrow. Of course, everyone in the office is working with anticipation of being off on the company dime, but I just don't feel the same excitement. Why?

Well, historically when we have bad weather in Dallas, its normally in the form of sleet and 2-4 inches of snow that really don't stick but cause dangerous driving conditions on the roads and bridges. Because Dallas is such a big city, everything and everyone is spread out from one side of the metroplex to the other, resulting in 98% of Dallas residents commuting to/from work. EVERY SINGLE TIME this happens, the weather becomes the top story on newscasts all day with "Breaking Reports" interrupting regular programming… reports that list school/office closings and caution people to stay off the roads unless it's a dire emergency. That being said, I just cant celebrate this "good news" of bad weather because well…

Someone's son/daughter will have a fatal car accident. Because of the possible school closings some child who looks forward to retreating to school as a safe-haven from their unhealthy home environment, will be forced to stay in the house all day… maybe alone or maybe in the company of people who do him/her harm. It's a stretch, but it happens. For many people, tomorrow's inclement weather wont be welcomed. Tomorrow, because of the weather and subsequent hazardous conditions, someone will suffer and someone will die.

As I began really thinking about this, other "wishful thinking" phrases popped into my head. We all are guilty of the overused "I'm ready for FRIDAY!" or "I cant wait for the weekend!" A few years ago, I stopped saying this when God cautioned me that I REALLY don't know WHATS lying ahead… and that anything and I mean ANYTHING could happen on Friday to set our world's into complete chaos. Does the surprise of 9/11 ring any bells? I'm sure someone on those fated flights just couldn't WAIT to jump onboard for their trips cross-country. And what about the terminally-ill cancer patient whose been given 6 months to live and for them, Friday marks their expiration date. Most of us think Friday sybolizes our chance to LIVE IT UP even though for others, it's the day their expecting to die.

I'm definitely not saying walk around with a pessimistic view of the world, and to not HOPE for good times and moments of relaxation. What I am saying is that, we should all be mindful of those who don't have life as good as we do and to not take for granted what TODAY means to us. Its only by the grace of God that we've made it safely to this moment and it's crucial that we each remember to take full advantage of the today we've been blessed with. If it does turn out that we get tomorrow off and the city shuts-down, lets all try to do something selfless for someone we encounter… especially strangers. The true measure of love is when you do someone for someone who can't do ANYTHING for you.
1 Life. 1 God. 2 Hands…
Give Love.
SG

If Jesus Paid It All, Why Cant You Pay Me??

EMAIL FROM A FRIEND:
SG, I need some REAL advice. I have been apart of this ministry since 2001 and the person over the ministry asked me to be their assistant in October which I agreed to do. After attending a workshop in June they asked if I was interested in writing for their newletter which I was and so there began my existence within the ministry. The newsletter, while creative and needed, lacks professionalism and I have tried to make suggestions but I have noticed that they are very defensive.....

Here is an email they sent me last week:

Good morning, XXXX,

Hope all is well? I know that you are going through a lot. I want to discuss the class, as you may know you are only allowed to miss 2 classes I pray that you would finish the class. Please let me know if you have any plans on returning to class. Due to your state of being I decided to hold off on publishing your article until you are feeling better and for to let me know when you are ready to talk. Please let me know also if you have decided not be apart of the ministry as well.

Eloquently Yours,
XXXXXXXX XXXX


The "state of being" they are refering to is because I called her and told them that I would not be present at an meeting we had planned and that I wouldn't be at a class last week because my kids were sick. Then I told them that I just needed to take some time to myself. Mother had the flu which I told her earlier in the week but honestly this stems from some things that have been escalating within myself because I have have failed to find a tactful way to express that while I support the ministry I have reservations about my commitment to tasks and schedules that are forced upon me. This comment is the result of an earlier email sent out last week to those of us in the class and ministry in which I felt they were trying to call some people out, and I took offense to it because I think their tactics are sometimes a little over the top....So again, I noticed that since they sent that original email last week, they started texting me and emailing instead of calling like they were doing (which let me know that they were trying to feel me out) because I never responded to the email. but nevertheless, I just want make sure that I am addressing this properly. Thanks!!!

MY REPLY TO MY FRIEND:
I say cut your losses. Since they brought it up (in the email), I'd probably reply with something to this effect:

XXXXXXXXXX-

Thank you for your words of concern. While I appreciate the opportunity of ministry through your publication, regretfully I am resigning my role as staff writer and subsequently, will not be returning to class. May God bless you and work through your vision to reach readers everywhere.

Best regards,
XXXX XXXXX

Your "state of being"???? Girl, shut up. This whole email reads WRONG... I don't like the tone AT ALL.
I think you should be up front and let them know that YOU have made the decision based on what's best for YOU and your kids, if you MUST have a talk with them. But honestly, pettiness and unprofessionalism doesn't merit explanation and I wouldn't go out of my way to give her one. Now, you should fault yourself for not just coming out about this before, versus letting it escalate to you "needing to take time out"... But nevertheless, let it go. HOW MANY WAYS do you need God to show you that YOU need to be writing for YOURSELF?!?! Hardheadedness is a sin, ya know?

ALSO, I just noticed something I'd failed to comment on. THEY ASKED YOU TO BE THEIR ASSISTANT?? Did they offer you a salary? Or any compensatory wages??? NEGRO please! Some of this stress is self-inflicted if you didn't handle this PROFESSIONALLY from the jump. Have you not LEARNED anything from my chapter of working for FREE in ministry??? ESPECIALLY as an assistant. That's a tough job, esp for someone who already HAS FULL-TIME EMPLOYMENT. You're trippin. You have a family! There isnt ANYTHING you should be doing for FREE as it relates to working. Period. Even the Bible says a man should be paid what he is due!

Chunk them the deuces… IN JESUS' NAME!

MY FRIEND's REPLY:
no they weren't paying me and no it wasn't discussed. Initially I honestly didn't realize what I was committing myself to (the exact things that you mentioned) but I was taking all of this as a "maybe God is directing me towards my purpose" so I was cool with the arrangement but then things just started getting out of hand....

MY FINAL WORDS:
And you tell them, "Don't let the doorknob hit ya where the GOOD LORD split ya. Amen!"

U Can't Buy Love, Nor Should U Co-Sign For It!!!

NEVER CO-SIGN FOR A LOVER!! Some people will disagree with me on this but I tend to think those are probably the bad-debt carrying lovers seeking the hand-up and hand-out.

See, co-signing is the equivalent of saying "Yes, Bank of America… I agree to honor Tom's debt and make his payments if he falls on hard times… or leaves me for another woman." Oh hell to the no!

But most people don't look at it like that. THESE are the love-struck fools who generally think that because of "love", Tom should and WOULD OBVIOUSLY make good on his obligation/agreement to pay the loan off. But HOW MANY Judge Judy shows must one view to really see how things happen on a daily basis…

Kim eff's off her credit being irresponsible and trifling with her finances. She drives a 325i.

Kim meets Barry.

Barry has a good job and prime credit.

Barry lives within his means. He drives a Toyota Pathfinder.

Kim gives Barry the best sex he's ever had in his life and subsequently, Barry is sprung.

Kim "needs" a new car… a Mercedes Benz C230.

Barry, being the pussy-whipped clown that he is, offers to "help" Kim get a car with a cash loan/gift toward a down payment.

BUT WAIT! Even with the loan/gift, Kim still cant get a car because of her poor credit score. Not even a Corolla.

Kim cries and gives Barry mind-blowing brains.

Barry offers to co-sign the loan.

Kim gets a 525i with rims.

Barry ends up paying a few car notes during the relationship because Kim is still "struggling".

Eventually, Kim leaves Barry and her BMW for another clown who really takes care of her.Barry now has more debt than he can afford.

Gosh, poor Barry. :-(

OR HOW ABOUT THIS ONE…

Corey is a rapper or music producer or ball player (take your pick… any of these apply).

Because of his "skills" Corey makes lots of $ but only in spurts because he isnt employed full-time.

Corey has sub-prime credit.

Corey meets Alicia.

Alicia is educated with a great job and is what most call "I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T". She's a bad chick!

Corey wines and dines Alicia with his high-class lifestyle. He even discloses his income to her. Alicia feels "trusted" and privileged.

Corey decides he wants to buy a house but lacks the credit or job-history to qualify.

Because of his cash income and standard of "living", Corey insists on a $500K that he promises to pay for.

Since Alicia has seen his bank statements, she feels (comfortable?) putting the property in her name, confident that he can afford to pay the note.

They move in the home together.

Corey also convinces Alicia to finance the furniture needed for a house "like this".

Alicia does.

Corey doesn't get another contract for 6 months.

More money is going out than is coming in.

Corey makes promises of new jobs coming soon to appease Alicia.

Alicia goes deeper in debt to keep things afloat.

Facing the stress at home, Corey secretly begins seeing another woman who pads his pockets "til he gets another deal".

Eventually Corey leaves Alicia for the other chick.

Alicia is now in debt over an entire lifestyle that someone else put on her.

Stupid ass Alicia.

I don't know about you, but I don't feel sorry for ANYBODY that ends up in this situation. CREDIT SCORES are a VERY useful means of determining credit worthiness and BEFORE you decide to go signing your name on the line, you SHOULD investigate whether that gamble is a good one. There are instances where someone has encountered credit problems unexpectedly and is proactively working to correct those financial issues (sickness, unemployment) and its okay to examine those cases to see IF that person is responsible enough to co-sign for. But I'm just saying, MOST OF THE TIME, people who need co-signers are living OUTSIDE OF THEIR MEANS. They're attempting to live like Kimora on a Keylolo budget. Instead of using windfalls of money (tax refunds, settlements, gifts, bonuses) to satisfy bad debt and put some away for a rainy day, they go on TRIPS and shopping! They buy cars and pop bottles in the club. THAT SHIT AINT CUTE! Aint nuthin FABULOUS about bad credit!!!

So anyway, just take my advise and don't do it. If you really love your significant other, I'd suggest sitting down with him/her and going thru their finances to come up with solutions on how to pay down their debt and increase their OWN personal credit scores. Hell, if you just feel generous, you can even GIFT some money towards helping that person pay down debt… a GIFT of GOOD FAITH that he/she will make better money decisions based on this "blessing". But DO NOT assume thousands of $$$ of debt for someone who cant even convince the bank that they are "good for it". Hell, if 30 banks denied the loan, WTF are YOU doing jumping on that sinking ship???

OUT!

The EFF IT List: Valentine's Edition

EFF getting excited because a chick/dude called you YESTERDAY tryin to see you.

ESPECIALLY EFF that nicca that text'd you TODAY tryin to see you. V-Day falls on February 14th EVERY DAMN YEAR and a nicca that cant plan ahead of time to spend today with you is probably using you as a back-up plan.

EFF responding to generic (mass) text messages wishing me a Happy V-Day with the overused, insincere "LOVE YOU" at the end. MF'er, USE MY NAME! Don't be sending me "sentimental" messages if you cant get like Beyonce and "SAY MY NAME SAY MY NAME!" Furthermore, phone calls are much more personal than texts… and WHATEVER HAPPENED TO LOVE LETTERS?! Am I not worth a 42 cent stamp????

EFF letting that lame-ass nicca ruin your v-day. SO WHAT yall had a fight. SO WHAT yall aint speakin today. Lemme tell you something and PLEASE don't be mad at me… BUT…… IF A NICCA PICKS A FIGHT WITH YOU OVER SOME INSIGNIFICANT BULLSHIT WITHIN 72 HOURS OF V-DAY, THAT NICCA IS TRYIN TO DO SOMETHING/SOMEBODY ELSE TODAY! I promise you I'm right. NO ONE wants to spend V-Day alone and if you aint with him over some petty argument, KNOW that he is with someone. Sorry. BUT EFF THAT! Get out and get a drink with your damn self! Its enough singles out there that you can still have a dignified V-Day without being in love.

EFF any and everybody who'se sleeping on The-Dream's cd. If you're having any kinda feelings about love, GO GET THIS CD. My personal faves are on my profile… "Nikki" and "I Love Your Girl". "FUUUKKKK THAT NICCAAAAAAAAA!" You have to download this cd… Support our artists… ITUNES!

EFF the florist in my building who sells 2 dz BEAUTIFUL roses VERY SINGLE WEEK for $20, yet is selling 1 DZ for $25 today. I almost said something very offensive to him this morning… foreal!

EFF the assumption that V-Day has to be a romantic holiday. I'm seriously considering take-out and catching up on The Wire.

EFF "throwing caution to the wind" and making irrational decisions today, "IN THE NAME OF LOVE". I WILL NOT eat senselessly at dinner tonite JUST BECAUSE its V-Day. I WILL NOT spend today with someone JUST SO I CAN SAY I had a date. I WILL NOT jump face-first into this box of chocolates that someone gave me… I have worked TOO DAMN HARD on my diet to throw it all away. I WILL NOT reply to voicemails/emails/texts from niccas I KNOW aint about a damn thing JUST BECAUSE they are getting the love bug…. You were a loser on Feb 13th and you'll be one on the 15th.

EFF finding out about a possible "MAYBE BABY". WTF kind of V-Day gift is that????????
EFF over-indulging on cocktail and champagne too. Its not good for the waistline so WATCH OUT TONITE!

EFF giving someone an "instruction manual" on how to be a good lover. Nicca either you GOT IT or you don't. I can only coach so much, I am NOT mf'ing Bobby Knight. Some things you just have to pick-up on your own. Watch some romantic movies… Listen to some Teddy P… Camp out on the "Romance" aisle in Barnes and Noble. They have TONS of books that you can read FOR FREE… just don't highlight anything or dog-ear the pages!

EFF settling for dating someone who DOESN'T know how to satisfy you. I PROMISE you, that nicca KNOWS when he aint pleasin you… and if he aint making substantial efforts towards improvement, give his ass a bottle of Lubriderm and tell him HOLLA!

EFF patronizing the sex-shops today. IF you happen to be a lucky one and have a HOT DATE tonite, I challenge you to be creative and work with what you already have. Stretch your imagination and get open with your partner. BUT BE SAFE and I don't mean screw with a pistol under your pillow. I mean, practice safe sex. Period.

EFF feeling sorry for youself if you don't have a date tonite. IN TRUTH, today is just another day of the year and its important to have someone who loves you as much on April 5th and August 23rd as they do on Feb 14th. So if you're single, well, maybe you'll meet someone special and get to designate another date as YOUR SPECIAL V-Day. WHO SAYS Valentines cant fall on October 10th???

OUT!

You're Perfect But He Aint Ready: Part 1

My GF sent me a message last month expressing her hurt and heartbreak over a guy she'd been seeing. Apparently, they'd been "dating" off and on for a period of 5 + years and recently had started seeing more of each other when BOOM! He starts hitting her with this half-ass, indecisiveness that many men come with when faced with the decision of monogamy. Here is my response to her email...

No matter HOW perfect you are or how much you do to SHOW a man that you want him, UNLESS he is READY TO SETTLE DOWN, it is all for naught. I often discuss this with my male friends and 100% of them have agreed and admitted to dating at least one woman who was perfect in every desirable aspect... good credit, attractive, good career, God-fearing, educated, sweet, respectable, loyal, loving, good sex, etc... you name it, she's got it. BUT for them, its like, they think they have time. And until they finally decide that they want to be monogamous and have a long-term relationship, they keep on doing them. Women are just the opposite. We find a good catch and settle down. THEY decide to settle down, then pick from whatever is most readily available... perfect or not. I'm sorry that you're feeling so shitty about this but during my first impression of him, he didnt strike me as being "good enough" for you... even on the surface. And the fact that its taken him 5+ years to "try and date you" is more evidence that he aint the MAN you need in your life.

Trust me chica, when a MAN wants something/someone, there is no TRYING involved. He just does it. Impulsively and all. Sucks but its true. He's lame girl. Be glad that you CAN do better because you, my dear, are WORTH so much more than that.

The THAT NICCA DONT WANT YOU List

First, I have to shout out my girl Brae for tellin me ab her encounter with T.N.D.W.Y. reality. Recently, I've had to share this mantra with one of my girlfriends. It went a lil something like this...

TNDWY if he is picking fights over petty shit.

TNDWY if he isn't investing substantial time, effort AND finances in furthering your relationship. What a man wants, he is willing to work for.

TNDWY if he has not taken you around his close friends and family.

TNDWY if he unashamedly flirts with other women in your face or openly admits (boasts) of his other "options".

TNDWY if yall r still "breaking up to make up" after 3 years of dating. He has already discovered and decided what he wants u to be in his life and if he's still takin u thru games, its probably not a wife.

TNDWY if the only thing you have to show for 2+ years of dating is some random ass momentos and dinner dates. Men trick off money on random things with little to no significance (multiple pr of airforce ones, impulsive trips, clubbin and drinking, clothing) and if he isn't breaking bread to do something to make YOU happy, then ur happiness is not a priority. I don't care HOW MUCH he makes even if its not much. A MAN THAT WANTS U WILL SACRIFICE TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOU!

TNDWY if he isn't spending significant holidays/occasions with you. No one wants to be alone on major holidays so if he is picking a fight with u within 72 hours of one, he's just creating enough distance so u can leave him alone long enough that he can be with someone else without distraction.

TNDWY if he isn't willing to be there for you in your time of struggle and discomfort. Inherently, men are problem-solvers and should be our protectors and providers. Any man that shys away from the challenge of comforting you, isn't trying or WANTING to be your man.

TNDWY if yall are miles apart and he isn't either trying to get to you or get you to him. WHO THE EFF OVER THE AGE OF 25 WANTS A PENPAL?!?!?! If he were truly interested, he'd be creating ways to bask in your radiance. if he seems content with not seeing you for extended periods, then TRUST he is already seeing others.

TNDWY if he hasn't begun enquiring about the direction of the relationship or what your feelings for him are. If yall have been "talking" and dating for a period and the subject of "where this relationship is headed" hasn't been discussed, its because he is content with the vagueness and doesn't want to commit. By not addressing the issue, he can avoid having to verbally agree/commit to a position (yes I want to date u exclusively), because once he does commit to a decision, he knows expectations also follow. without a commitment he is free to do whatever, whenever. but a man that WANTS U will want to lock u down and confirm his intentions so that u don't move on without him.

TNDWY if you can only see him in public places like clubs/parties/bars OR if invitations to visit are accompanied with him tryin to create an intimate moment ESPECIALLY late nights after the clubbin. DANGER! DANGER! DO NOT VISIT A NICCA AFTER THE CLUB!! He will screw you at 3am and then take his main girl out to lunch and shopping at 3pm. TRUST.

TNDWY if his excuses for his lack of interest or time with you are always due to his work schedule. YOU CAN FIND TIME FOR WHAT YOU WANT TO MAKE TIME FOR. That applies to everyone and every situation. Even if it means sacrificing some sleep or cutting back on something else. But trust, for the right one he is and will FIND TIME to be with her.

I plan on adding to the list but this was so crucial to post that I composed this entire blog from my Mogul. If you enjoyed this or want to add something, leave a comment below.