Moonwalking to Heaven Strolling

*heavy sigh*
I'm hours late with this post because, well, I couldnt find the words to really describe the tremendous grief and loss I feel at the death of the KING of POP, Michael Jackson.

Ummm, that said, I guess I'll just document my feelings... reflections... revelations. Since the news broke around, I've been absolutely NUMB.

Where was I when I heard? Well, I'd just left working out and stopped at Genghis Grill to setup my MBP for an iChat session with a new client. Midway through the session, Big Chris (Gardner) called me and asked if I'd heard that MJ had died. With the client on hold, I immediately went to Yahoo.com and simply saw that he'd been rushed to the hospital. My first thought was that it was just a false alarm and tabloid rumor... how often we hear other sick "rumors" of other stars alleged deaths. Seeing nothing about his death, I assured Chris it wasnt so, and resumed my iChat session. That was around 4:25 I guess. Then about 10 minutes later, Chris started blowing my phone up again and I sent him to V/M, opting to not interrupt my client call. Then around 4:40ish, I heard my client gasp and say, "Nooo Mike! NOOO!" It was then, I knew something had gone wrong. He then let me know he was seeing the breaking news on TV that the unexpected had absolutely occurred.

In that instant I swear I heard Heaven sing and doves cry.

In the hours to follow (and literally as I type this), I've been completely in shock and disbelief that the biggest, most influential ICON of my lifetime, one who seemed ethereal and immortal, is no longer with us.

I'm sorrowful for the children who wont know what it is to grow up watching MJ perform... entertain... ENGAGE... the world. All over the globe, he CHANGED music and entertainment. With every kick of his shiny socks and penny loafered feet, he showed us the TRUE meaning of PERFORMING and SHOWMANSHIP. Lyrically, Michael has no counterparts. His personal discography is unmatched. There's no way for me to truly explain to my unborn children just HOW incredibly iconic and important Michael Jackson is to our culture. I'm just grateful that I was afforded the opportunity to grow up with him.

I'm also sorrowful that music has taken the overly commercial, less conscious role that it has, and that I can't name any successors to Michael's musical legacy of delivering SOLID, socially relevant music. As a songwriter, I am ashamed that it is that way, but through today's reflections, I've resolved to do MY part to not be so passive about the music I make anymore. To be true to myself... to be that pioneer... to not let whats "acceptable or popular" to define me musically. I will not shame the King.

From my very FIRST album... "BAD"... I remember my mom buying it for my from Tower Records in LA before we moved to Texas. I read the album jacket with ALL the lyrics. I knew them at age 7. I had the buttons, t-shirts. I practiced the moves. There's even an ongoing family joke about a day when I'd just dyed my super straight, layered hair jet-black, and my dear Grandmama clowned me when I walked in, saying that "you look like Michael Jackson". I was quite pale at the time, and although Grandmama was being sarcastic, I wasnt toooo offended. ITS MICHAEL JACKSON!!

Well, my dear Granny died in 2005 and I miss her dearly. BUT I know that she's up there welcoming good ole' Mike thru the pearly gates... probably joking with him about her joke with me and pointing me out from above saying, "That lil yella one down there... with the hair like yours... thats my grandbaby and SHE's gonna be a big music person too!" Another legacy. Another angel.

I want so badly to just have one big tearful hour... to cry and vent and play songs and grieve like I know I need to. I just cant right now. I'm still in shock. Everytime I look at the TV and as I listen to the ongoing media coverage, I keep hoping its all a loong, bad dream. Every tweet shatters my heart. And then I consider the lyrics to "You are Not Alone" and the pieces multiply themselves.

Just the other night, I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come and hold u in my arms
I can hear your prayers, your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand, then forever can begin.

Everyday I sit and ask myself, how did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says

You are not alone...

The silver lining is that I absolutely believe that MJ fulfilled his earthly purpose... to change and unite the world through music. For that reason, I can understand why the Lord would call him home... to finally give him peace and reward him for a lifetime of work well done.

*sigh*

Finally, I feel the tears welling up. I need this. Just one good one.
Long live the KING of POP.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson 1958-2009.