Moonwalking to Heaven Strolling

*heavy sigh*
I'm hours late with this post because, well, I couldnt find the words to really describe the tremendous grief and loss I feel at the death of the KING of POP, Michael Jackson.

Ummm, that said, I guess I'll just document my feelings... reflections... revelations. Since the news broke around, I've been absolutely NUMB.

Where was I when I heard? Well, I'd just left working out and stopped at Genghis Grill to setup my MBP for an iChat session with a new client. Midway through the session, Big Chris (Gardner) called me and asked if I'd heard that MJ had died. With the client on hold, I immediately went to Yahoo.com and simply saw that he'd been rushed to the hospital. My first thought was that it was just a false alarm and tabloid rumor... how often we hear other sick "rumors" of other stars alleged deaths. Seeing nothing about his death, I assured Chris it wasnt so, and resumed my iChat session. That was around 4:25 I guess. Then about 10 minutes later, Chris started blowing my phone up again and I sent him to V/M, opting to not interrupt my client call. Then around 4:40ish, I heard my client gasp and say, "Nooo Mike! NOOO!" It was then, I knew something had gone wrong. He then let me know he was seeing the breaking news on TV that the unexpected had absolutely occurred.

In that instant I swear I heard Heaven sing and doves cry.

In the hours to follow (and literally as I type this), I've been completely in shock and disbelief that the biggest, most influential ICON of my lifetime, one who seemed ethereal and immortal, is no longer with us.

I'm sorrowful for the children who wont know what it is to grow up watching MJ perform... entertain... ENGAGE... the world. All over the globe, he CHANGED music and entertainment. With every kick of his shiny socks and penny loafered feet, he showed us the TRUE meaning of PERFORMING and SHOWMANSHIP. Lyrically, Michael has no counterparts. His personal discography is unmatched. There's no way for me to truly explain to my unborn children just HOW incredibly iconic and important Michael Jackson is to our culture. I'm just grateful that I was afforded the opportunity to grow up with him.

I'm also sorrowful that music has taken the overly commercial, less conscious role that it has, and that I can't name any successors to Michael's musical legacy of delivering SOLID, socially relevant music. As a songwriter, I am ashamed that it is that way, but through today's reflections, I've resolved to do MY part to not be so passive about the music I make anymore. To be true to myself... to be that pioneer... to not let whats "acceptable or popular" to define me musically. I will not shame the King.

From my very FIRST album... "BAD"... I remember my mom buying it for my from Tower Records in LA before we moved to Texas. I read the album jacket with ALL the lyrics. I knew them at age 7. I had the buttons, t-shirts. I practiced the moves. There's even an ongoing family joke about a day when I'd just dyed my super straight, layered hair jet-black, and my dear Grandmama clowned me when I walked in, saying that "you look like Michael Jackson". I was quite pale at the time, and although Grandmama was being sarcastic, I wasnt toooo offended. ITS MICHAEL JACKSON!!

Well, my dear Granny died in 2005 and I miss her dearly. BUT I know that she's up there welcoming good ole' Mike thru the pearly gates... probably joking with him about her joke with me and pointing me out from above saying, "That lil yella one down there... with the hair like yours... thats my grandbaby and SHE's gonna be a big music person too!" Another legacy. Another angel.

I want so badly to just have one big tearful hour... to cry and vent and play songs and grieve like I know I need to. I just cant right now. I'm still in shock. Everytime I look at the TV and as I listen to the ongoing media coverage, I keep hoping its all a loong, bad dream. Every tweet shatters my heart. And then I consider the lyrics to "You are Not Alone" and the pieces multiply themselves.

Just the other night, I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come and hold u in my arms
I can hear your prayers, your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand, then forever can begin.

Everyday I sit and ask myself, how did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says

You are not alone...

The silver lining is that I absolutely believe that MJ fulfilled his earthly purpose... to change and unite the world through music. For that reason, I can understand why the Lord would call him home... to finally give him peace and reward him for a lifetime of work well done.

*sigh*

Finally, I feel the tears welling up. I need this. Just one good one.
Long live the KING of POP.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson 1958-2009.

How MC Lyte Changed My Life... My Definitive Moment of Destiny

It was January 11, 1991... a cool, rainy afternoon in Los Angeles. I was 10 and my mom and I were visiting the fam in Cali for the holidays. Bill, my biological father, had just picked me up from my Auntie Marva's South Central crib... Our destination was Footlocker for my Christmas present.

**SIDENOTE: First, you should know that Bill and my mama divorced when I was young and I never lived under the same roof with them both. Subsequently, Bill and I had an estranged relationship. Phone calls, birthday/Christmas cards, random letters... but never really hands-on involvement. Bill, a handsome, 6'6", Mexican (though only by bloodline because he identified with everything in black culture), former professional basketball player, led quite a bachelor lifestyle post-marriage. I can recall Playboy magazines all over his sprawling white two-story house... female "roommates" and workout equipment. In fact, one of my earliest memories was age 4... maybe 5.. and we were in his driveway and he was putting a bicycle together for me. I'd recently heard another kid call their father "Daddy" so I thought I'd try it, too. (To this point he'd ALWAYS been "BILL"). Well, I did and he proceeded to tell me that he "didnt want to be called daddy. call him Bill", and thats what he's been to me ever since. A hard pill to swallow as a child, but I understood and accepted it. I have to admit, my entire childhood memories of him center on his interest in 3 things- Money, Women and Basketball. THE END. I grew tall very fast and he was convinced I'd see 6'2" easily, and wanted to make me the first girl in the NBA. When I peaked at 5'8" at 14, so did his interest. Now, instead of spending time with me on the court, he'd give me money and send me to the mall while HE went to the court with my adopted and god-brothers. Now, back to the story...

So there we are on this very wet, foggy day riding in his prized Black, chromed out Jeep Wrangler, headed to Footlocker in search of Air Jordans. These were the all black ones with the "infrared" accents and that little pouchy thingy on the tongue for your laces! I was so excited, convinced that THESE SHOES were gonna improve my game so much so that Bill would be proud of me. And as we rode, I remember him pulling out this white cassette tape single and tellin me how "tight" the lyrics in this song were. Cue MC Lyte's "Poor Georgie". Now, mind you I'm only 10 years old but even at 10, I'd already had an appreciation of music simply because my mom played a wide variety of music in the house (Sting and the Police, Tears for Fears, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Huey Lewis and the News, Diana Ross, etc.) since I could remember. And I even remember the Summer of 1990 in Cali when I spent EVERY SINGLE DAY with my cassettes and notebook, writing the lyrics to Young MC, Candyman, Tone Loc and De la Soul songs in my big fat "cool" handwriting.**Remember making circles to dot your "i's"??**LOL So anyway, as we rolled I watched him bob his head HARD... and he's totally reciting the song line for line, and I remember him rapping this:

The story is not to say that I'm in sorrow
Just to say no one is promise tomorrow
If you love someone you should say it often
You never know when they'll be layin in a coffin
Wake up, it's important that you know that
No one on Earth is promised tomorrow..

And then he stopped the tape, pressed rewind, and rapped it again...

If you love someone you should say it often
You never know when they'll be layin in a coffin

And I remember really thinking through the storytelling lyrics in "Poor Georgie" absolutely amazed and inspired. I was young yet I understood the storyline and the emotion woven into each 4 bars. Since it was a cassette single, we listened to it several times as we drove through the rain, and each time I memorized a little more and a little more. Sure, the purpose of the drive was to get my J's but my attention shifted to discovering how to listen to my music closer.

That was absolutely the moment when my ear became more discriminating and I totally got into lyricism as opposed to the commercial songs. Going forward, I'd listen to Freestyle Fellowship and Pharcyde (thats a Cali thing), Ras Cass and I'd even hang out at "The Good Life Cafe" on Crenshaw and Exposition in the summer (the same hangout of Moesha her friends on the show. lol) Hell, in 1996 I'd even joined a battlin' crew of upperclassman "misfits" in school just for the purpose of sharing rhymes. And after soccer practice, I'd go home and log-in to my modem connection just to sign-in to www.ThaLandz.com, one of the first online battle sites... and I'd post freestyles about my chemistry homework, boys... whatever moved me. Totally random, but totally relevant now.

Fast-Forward: Bill and I haven't had a relationship or communication at all since some apparent/alleged "break down" he experienced around 1995 or 1996. Initially, my heartbreak of being "disowned" made me rebel against basketball and instead I put everything into soccer. It took me until a fated friendship and years of living in Atlanta through college on my own, to discover that I could actually have a career in songwriting. Over the years, I've collaborated with the industry's top dogs... all the while working and learning... perfecting my craft and taking direction from the who's who's.

But it wasnt until tonite, chatting with @TJArmour (twitter), an internet DJ on www.swanksociety.com (Chicago), and making a "request" to hear "Poor Georgie", that it FINALLY dawned on me that all this time, I've been chasing my dream of songwriting, and specifically perfecting my lyricism, because maybe I'm still chasing Bill's acceptance and the hope that my "tight" lyrics will one day unite us.

Keep your ears open, hope that you listenin
Cause I'm about to take you on a George Porgie mission

2Fingaz1HeartMuchLuv.

Summer G

KETCHUP!

Well, really this post is a "catch up" for the last 5 months...

No need to cover all the details, I'll just list a few:

1... My PR/Marketing company is growing by leaps and bounds. The site is being updated and will relaunch Friday at 8am, at which time I will post a link here.

2... I've begun writing more consistently due to my career shift... Details on that later also!

3... I'm back in the gym working out like I'm training for the Olympics (and I'm not even). Lex's wedding is in roughly 9 weeks in Ocho Rios and a string bikini and lipgloss is ALL I'm packing. Fineness cometh unto ME, snitches!!

4... My faith in love has been strengthed... for now. Seems cupid is smiling at me these days, and I'll admit, it feels reeeeaaallly good. Everyday I'm discovering something new to feel and I'm not even mad at that. Growth is good.

5... WOW! How can I forget! Obama is the PREZ and despite our weakened economy, I am indeed hopeful that together the people of this nation can finally unite for CHANGE and REFORM that we need. No excuses, the time is now.

6... Its bedtime. HOLLA!

The "When I'm Bored" Files: Obama Edition

I stumbled upon an OLD issue of Photoshop Creative magazine and there was a project in there that inspired me to create something to commemorate the election. Here it is...

I'd actually done something really dang fly earlier today but havent been able to locate which flash drive I saved it on... or if I even saved it.

*shm*

Oh well. Today was the deadline for voter registration for the Nov 4th election day sooooo I hope yall were good little citizens and have been keeping up with your civil duties!

Si se puede, yall!

SG

Association Yields Assimilation... Say Word.

So I just happened to wind up on someone's myspace page and my eyes focused in on a line of a paragraph that read "Association breeds assimilation..."

And it got me to thinking about my own habits and associations...

For instance, when I'm playing soccer in an adult league, or dating an avid exerciser I tend to stay more consistent with my workout schedule because there's some accountability involved...

Or like how I'm single and pretty much ALL of the women in my circle (with the exception of my boss) are all single women. **I'm beginning to think loneliness is a spirit and I REBUKE it, ITNOJ!!!"

How about my songwriting career for example... how I'm my most productive when I'm surrounded by other creative individuals and people who have attained some level of greatness that I aspire for. That DRIVES me... the will to succeed and carve my own way in the wood. Greatness inspires greatness, not laziness, therefore, I STAY around positive, forward-moving people.

I guess it was just seeing it stated in those 3 words is what really forced me to pause and analyze my affiliations because perhaps I've allowed outside forces to impact my decisions. Its definitely worth considering.

Anyhoo, its been one of those looooong rainy days. BTW, the bank did indeed screw up something today AND waste 5 minutes of my life that i will NOT get back, therefore I am allowed 1 curse word...

SPIT!

*sigh* I digress. Its time for bed.

XOXO

SG

To eHarmony or NOT to eHarmony... THAT is the question.

Yes it has come to this...

I came home and found myself on Yahoo! Personals perusing the ads.. (only 2 of the 55 actually seemed remotely interesting)... and then I see that the "subscription rate" is $95/6 months. OOOHH NOOOO! Not the kid. Umph hmph. I cannot WILL NOT pay $95 for a chance to meet someone that I might want to "see". I'm cheap, not desperate.

So then my mama calls and I mention it to her and she suggests eHarmony at a rate of $39/3 months. Really its not THAT much difference, but I'm still thinking it will be a waste of time.

Has it REALLY come to this? Posting "personal ads" on public sites HOPING that Prince Charming might click his way into your inbox? SO SAD. Anybody got any ideas?

SG

The Proliferation of the Maybe Baby

There are things in this life that I will not come to understand before I die. Quantum physics... Human Spontaneous Combustion... Whitney Houston's fall from glory... Conversations with Anna Nicole Smith... THESE THINGS I can and have accepted.

But HOW IN THE WORLD a grown *blank* man can create a child and not find out until the child is 10 years old, is NOT one of them.

Yes people, there is a plague sweeping the great plains of our nation... wiping out the bank accounts of (would-be) superstar athletes and R&B crooners alike... a disease so potent and fatal, that it threatens to extinguish the species of "eligible black bachelor" as we know it. That threat is the "maybe baby."

As a successfully independent, 27-year old CHILDLESS woman, it really is beyond me HOW such a strain of disease could come to be soooooo... common! I mean, I look at my accomplishments and my values... hell and even if I didn't have time for that and simply look in the mirror, I would see what I believe most people see... an attractive "got-her-ish-together" woman whose done a great job at maintaining her marketability. And perhaps I'm biased because I'm talking about self, so let me put "self" on the shelf and take a look around me. Within the handful of friendships that I have with my female counterparts, I see similary qualities. Young women with goals and ambitions, independence and values... 80% of that handful are childless. Now clearly, all of us arent practicing abstinence (though I do practice on Sundays and every other Thursday), so it goes without saying that sex is being "had". But what I'm NOT really understanding about this whole situation is...

HOW IN THE HECK a guy can lay up with a woman without protection... A woman whom he is NOT in a committed (or long-term) relationship with... bust a move on her as if he DOESNT KNOW (yeah right)... only to find out months or years later that in the last :32 seconds of Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love To You", that he furtilized an egg... that ish is beyond me.

First of all, WHO DOES THIS? No wait, I know who "does this"... my beautiful black MEN "does this"... Sadly, its more of the ones that ought to KNOW BETTER, that "does this" the most! Why and HOW can you seemingly successful men take that risk... the risk of not only impregnating a jump-off and being tied to the hip to this person for the rest of your life? Nevermind the risks of diseases that threaten your life... the life you work SO very hard to achieve and attain... the life in which you and your family have struggled to put you thru school and the hard work you've put into becoming WHO YOU ARE (whoever you are), all so that either

a) you contract a life-threatening disease or

b) procreate a child that was not conceived in love but in passion (or maybe just inebriation) that you now have to begrudgingly break bread for.

I'm not understanding this rationale at all. Help me somebody. If the argument is that you're ready to start a family and have a "mini-me" because lots of you secretly are looking forward to that, how about actually procreating with someone you love and trust (preferably a wife... hello!) and at the very least, someone you want to be with for a LONG LONG LONG time. But no, the maybe baby is never carried in the womb of a true love... No, the maybe baby is the secret... the dark cloud... the game-changer (literally)... the little life that remains hidden until one of two things happens.

Now, in my experience the maybe baby's existence arises either...

a) when said jump-off's relationship ends with her normal lover and she has to quit passing the pregnancy off as his but rather, needs to confess that you are indeed "that baby's daddy" because she now needs a new sponsor for this child

and/or

b) when said jump-off discovers the opportunity for financial gain by announcing the existence of said maybe baby. this typically happens once baby-daddy gets drafted or signs a large contract... when baby daddy comes into substantial financial gains... Now, in the situations that I am aware of, it is argueable and even likely that said jump-off ALLOWED babydaddy to forgo usage of profilactics and welcomed the insurgence of his "little soldiers" because said jump-off's sixth-sense knew that financial gains might be in the future, and thus she could come-up thru producing a "dependent".

Either way, baby daddy has no one to blame but himself because in 72% of these "maybe baby" cases, baby daddy stands to be the one with more at-stake. Also, at the risk of sounding like I'm excusing trifling jump-offs, let me say this.

Our eggs are ever-present, meaning we dont "bust an egg"... Yet, men have the voluntary (or involuntary depending on how you look at it) fertilization equipment and thus, must decide how to handle such powerful equipment. We dont feel the burst of elation coming, MEN DO. Therefore, since we dont control it and you do, you "eligible black bachelors" should take more care in protecting and maintating the equipment. I am a firm proponent of using protection at ALL times. Never been much of relying solely on BC because BC doesnt prevent HIV. *hmph!* But at the very least, as it relates to this post, if you cant contain your soldiers then it would seem logical that the next step is to stock up on condoms! We dont yank the sperm out, you SHOOT it our way. So if your aim is bad... or too strong... or whatever, wrap it up for Pete's sake!

Anyhoo~~~ enough of me griping the fellas out. I have a beef to pick with these jump-offs that wind up in this situation.

HOW IS IT that you can carry a child without knowing WHODABABYDADYIS? I say this because most 'da time, the jump-off truly isnt 100% sure WHO fathered the child and its (better?) to wait until the child is born to find out. I've known people who wanted to see who the baby looked like first before they confessed either way about the true parentage, AS IF looks are the proof. Like, HOW MANY men let their cup runneth over in your business? And after you come to a numerical value, please explain WHY that was a good idea???

All in all, I'm just disgusted that of the last 7 years, the last 4 guys that I've had slight interest in, ALL 4 had "maybe baby" situations. All 4 were successful men without any previous children and all the jump-offs were women that they weren't involved with. I could almost excuse it if it happens with someone you love and then comes back around once the relationship is dissolved but still, it burdens me.

It burdens me that while I'm doing all I can to be responsible (not just in not making children out of wedlock, but also by protecting myself from disease), men that I would otherwise be interested in long-term are being careless with their decisions. And while the Bible teaches us to forgive and not be judgmental, I would be the one left with the decision of whether I want to sign up for "him and his baby mama"s issues... I'm the one making compromises because he couldn't see that his future was more important than 4 minutes of going raw-dog. Its not fair. There's a whole nother angle to this... the child thats being created outside of a 2-parent household... the child in the middle of these issues... the child thats suffering even though he/she doesnt ask to be here or put into this situation... and maybe I will come back and address that angle later.

The point though is that I and my peers, other single, successful, eligible bachelorettes, are sick and tired of having to be "understanding" of "maybe baby" drama. Its not fair that we fall in love with you only to discover well AFTER the fact that you have mystery seeds scattered elsewhere. Its not fair that in this relationship and life that we've built together, you are now introducing an entirely NEW dynamic of a new child and woman with which we must deal with regardless of how uncomfortable it might be... And why do we deal? Because we LOVE YOU. But oh, what we really wish...

Is that you would love YOURSELF enough to protect yourself against disease and unwanted pregnancies and consider what either of those dynamics would mean to the future love of your life

Be safe. Be easy. Be blessed.

SG

*******************************

TOPIC SUBMITTED BY: ALEXIA McWHINNEY (HOUSTON, TX) THANKS A TON LEX!!!

GOT A TOPIC? SEND IT TO SUMMERGALVEZ@GMAIL.COM and I'LL POST IT!

****************************************************************