Friday, June 26, 2009

Moonwalking to Heaven Strolling


*heavy sigh*
I'm hours late with this post because, well, I couldnt find the words to really describe the tremendous grief and loss I feel at the death of the KING of POP, Michael Jackson.

Ummm, that said, I guess I'll just document my feelings... reflections... revelations. Since the news broke around, I've been absolutely NUMB.

Where was I when I heard? Well, I'd just left working out and stopped at Genghis Grill to setup my MBP for an iChat session with a new client. Midway through the session, Big Chris (Gardner) called me and asked if I'd heard that MJ had died. With the client on hold, I immediately went to Yahoo.com and simply saw that he'd been rushed to the hospital. My first thought was that it was just a false alarm and tabloid rumor... how often we hear other sick "rumors" of other stars alleged deaths. Seeing nothing about his death, I assured Chris it wasnt so, and resumed my iChat session. That was around 4:25 I guess. Then about 10 minutes later, Chris started blowing my phone up again and I sent him to V/M, opting to not interrupt my client call. Then around 4:40ish, I heard my client gasp and say, "Nooo Mike! NOOO!" It was then, I knew something had gone wrong. He then let me know he was seeing the breaking news on TV that the unexpected had absolutely occurred.

In that instant I swear I heard Heaven sing and doves cry.

In the hours to follow (and literally as I type this), I've been completely in shock and disbelief that the biggest, most influential ICON of my lifetime, one who seemed ethereal and immortal, is no longer with us.

I'm sorrowful for the children who wont know what it is to grow up watching MJ perform... entertain... ENGAGE... the world. All over the globe, he CHANGED music and entertainment. With every kick of his shiny socks and penny loafered feet, he showed us the TRUE meaning of PERFORMING and SHOWMANSHIP. Lyrically, Michael has no counterparts. His personal discography is unmatched. There's no way for me to truly explain to my unborn children just HOW incredibly iconic and important Michael Jackson is to our culture. I'm just grateful that I was afforded the opportunity to grow up with him.

I'm also sorrowful that music has taken the overly commercial, less conscious role that it has, and that I can't name any successors to Michael's musical legacy of delivering SOLID, socially relevant music. As a songwriter, I am ashamed that it is that way, but through today's reflections, I've resolved to do MY part to not be so passive about the music I make anymore. To be true to myself... to be that pioneer... to not let whats "acceptable or popular" to define me musically. I will not shame the King.

From my very FIRST album... "BAD"... I remember my mom buying it for my from Tower Records in LA before we moved to Texas. I read the album jacket with ALL the lyrics. I knew them at age 7. I had the buttons, t-shirts. I practiced the moves. There's even an ongoing family joke about a day when I'd just dyed my super straight, layered hair jet-black, and my dear Grandmama clowned me when I walked in, saying that "you look like Michael Jackson". I was quite pale at the time, and although Grandmama was being sarcastic, I wasnt toooo offended. ITS MICHAEL JACKSON!!

Well, my dear Granny died in 2005 and I miss her dearly. BUT I know that she's up there welcoming good ole' Mike thru the pearly gates... probably joking with him about her joke with me and pointing me out from above saying, "That lil yella one down there... with the hair like yours... thats my grandbaby and SHE's gonna be a big music person too!" Another legacy. Another angel.

I want so badly to just have one big tearful hour... to cry and vent and play songs and grieve like I know I need to. I just cant right now. I'm still in shock. Everytime I look at the TV and as I listen to the ongoing media coverage, I keep hoping its all a loong, bad dream. Every tweet shatters my heart. And then I consider the lyrics to "You are Not Alone" and the pieces multiply themselves.

Just the other night, I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come and hold u in my arms
I can hear your prayers, your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand, then forever can begin.

Everyday I sit and ask myself, how did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says

You are not alone...

The silver lining is that I absolutely believe that MJ fulfilled his earthly purpose... to change and unite the world through music. For that reason, I can understand why the Lord would call him home... to finally give him peace and reward him for a lifetime of work well done.

*sigh*

Finally, I feel the tears welling up. I need this. Just one good one.
Long live the KING of POP.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson 1958-2009.



Tuesday, June 9, 2009

How MC Lyte Changed My Life... My Definitive Moment of Destiny

It was January 11, 1991... a cool, rainy afternoon in Los Angeles. I was 10 and my mom and I were visiting the fam in Cali for the holidays. Bill, my biological father, had just picked me up from my Auntie Marva's South Central crib... Our destination was Footlocker for my Christmas present.

**SIDENOTE: First, you should know that Bill and my mama divorced when I was young and I never lived under the same roof with them both. Subsequently, Bill and I had an estranged relationship. Phone calls, birthday/Christmas cards, random letters... but never really hands-on involvement. Bill, a handsome, 6'6", Mexican (though only by bloodline because he identified with everything in black culture), former professional basketball player, led quite a bachelor lifestyle post-marriage. I can recall Playboy magazines all over his sprawling white two-story house... female "roommates" and workout equipment. In fact, one of my earliest memories was age 4... maybe 5.. and we were in his driveway and he was putting a bicycle together for me. I'd recently heard another kid call their father "Daddy" so I thought I'd try it, too. (To this point he'd ALWAYS been "BILL"). Well, I did and he proceeded to tell me that he "didnt want to be called daddy. call him Bill", and thats what he's been to me ever since. A hard pill to swallow as a child, but I understood and accepted it. I have to admit, my entire childhood memories of him center on his interest in 3 things- Money, Women and Basketball. THE END. I grew tall very fast and he was convinced I'd see 6'2" easily, and wanted to make me the first girl in the NBA. When I peaked at 5'8" at 14, so did his interest. Now, instead of spending time with me on the court, he'd give me money and send me to the mall while HE went to the court with my adopted and god-brothers. Now, back to the story...

So there we are on this very wet, foggy day riding in his prized Black, chromed out Jeep Wrangler, headed to Footlocker in search of Air Jordans. These were the all black ones with the "infrared" accents and that little pouchy thingy on the tongue for your laces! I was so excited, convinced that THESE SHOES were gonna improve my game so much so that Bill would be proud of me. And as we rode, I remember him pulling out this white cassette tape single and tellin me how "tight" the lyrics in this song were. Cue MC Lyte's "Poor Georgie". Now, mind you I'm only 10 years old but even at 10, I'd already had an appreciation of music simply because my mom played a wide variety of music in the house (Sting and the Police, Tears for Fears, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Huey Lewis and the News, Diana Ross, etc.) since I could remember. And I even remember the Summer of 1990 in Cali when I spent EVERY SINGLE DAY with my cassettes and notebook, writing the lyrics to Young MC, Candyman, Tone Loc and De la Soul songs in my big fat "cool" handwriting.**Remember making circles to dot your "i's"??**LOL So anyway, as we rolled I watched him bob his head HARD... and he's totally reciting the song line for line, and I remember him rapping this:

The story is not to say that I'm in sorrow
Just to say no one is promise tomorrow
If you love someone you should say it often
You never know when they'll be layin in a coffin
Wake up, it's important that you know that
No one on Earth is promised tomorrow..

And then he stopped the tape, pressed rewind, and rapped it again...

If you love someone you should say it often
You never know when they'll be layin in a coffin

And I remember really thinking through the storytelling lyrics in "Poor Georgie" absolutely amazed and inspired. I was young yet I understood the storyline and the emotion woven into each 4 bars. Since it was a cassette single, we listened to it several times as we drove through the rain, and each time I memorized a little more and a little more. Sure, the purpose of the drive was to get my J's but my attention shifted to discovering how to listen to my music closer.

That was absolutely the moment when my ear became more discriminating and I totally got into lyricism as opposed to the commercial songs. Going forward, I'd listen to Freestyle Fellowship and Pharcyde (thats a Cali thing), Ras Cass and I'd even hang out at "The Good Life Cafe" on Crenshaw and Exposition in the summer (the same hangout of Moesha her friends on the show. lol) Hell, in 1996 I'd even joined a battlin' crew of upperclassman "misfits" in school just for the purpose of sharing rhymes. And after soccer practice, I'd go home and log-in to my modem connection just to sign-in to www.ThaLandz.com, one of the first online battle sites... and I'd post freestyles about my chemistry homework, boys... whatever moved me. Totally random, but totally relevant now.

Fast-Forward: Bill and I haven't had a relationship or communication at all since some apparent/alleged "break down" he experienced around 1995 or 1996. Initially, my heartbreak of being "disowned" made me rebel against basketball and instead I put everything into soccer. It took me until a fated friendship and years of living in Atlanta through college on my own, to discover that I could actually have a career in songwriting. Over the years, I've collaborated with the industry's top dogs... all the while working and learning... perfecting my craft and taking direction from the who's who's.

But it wasnt until tonite, chatting with @TJArmour (twitter), an internet DJ on www.swanksociety.com (Chicago), and making a "request" to hear "Poor Georgie", that it FINALLY dawned on me that all this time, I've been chasing my dream of songwriting, and specifically perfecting my lyricism, because maybe I'm still chasing Bill's acceptance and the hope that my "tight" lyrics will one day unite us.

Keep your ears open, hope that you listenin
Cause I'm about to take you on a George Porgie mission

2Fingaz1HeartMuchLuv.

Summer G