I started composing another post that touched on the subject of people within love triangles/squares (octagons… lol) and how the bitter 3rd/4th/5th… parties in said triangles behave when one of the principals moves on with another… It’s a long post and I promise to come back to it but today I felt like going in a different direction.
See… this is what I’m thinking...
As a matter of fact, this is what my Grandmama taught me years ago, back when I was in the only serious relationship that I’ve had… (Poor me?! No poor you! I’m happy being selective, thank you very much!) Anyhoo… she taught me that the way a relationship starts sets the tone for the way that it will forever be. Sounds pretty vague you say, but really think about it.
Grandmama was saying that the exact standards that you go into a relationship with are exactly what set the tone for the duration of the relationship. Of course, I know she was specifically warning me against being “fast” and cautioning me to set standards for myself and basically, not to just go for any old thing… that once you let it be known that “this” is the standard or whats acceptable, that that’s EXACTLY what you can grow to expect from the other person. You know how it is… in the beginning each person is feeling the other out, trying to gauge exactly what “time it is”.
Its kinda like the dynamic of meeting the person in the club Saturday night and taking him/her home with you to go balls-to-the-wall (no pun intended). If you start the relationship off with 3am phone calls that lead to rugburns and 7-11 Magnum-runs, then pretty much expect that that’s going to be the basis of the relationship. Sure, it COULD grow into something more but the stage has already been set for more rugburns and 7-11 Magnum-runs, so for you to try and omit the sexual nature of the relationship or back up and say “No, Tony I want to wait until I know you better” is gonna get you a foreal “WTF” face from Tony, and rightfully so.
All this being said, its crucial to make sure that we each identify the dynamics of our relationships and the standards that we set forth in the beginning. If you want to be respected, don’t go into the relationship allowing disrespect and making excuses for the other person’s disrespectful, selfish behavior. If you want to cultivate a long-term relationship, begin with cultivating a foundation based on honesty, communication and dependability- the things you will value most with a mate. Don’t start out keeping secrets and being deceptive because lies only beget lies and distrust. Is any of this seeping through??
In short (or long), I guess I’m just saying that Grandmama taught me a lot about standards and being 100% honest with myself (and others) about my intentions within relationships. I can actually think of one time when I let my guard down and behaved in a way that not only contradicted my beliefs, but totally misrepresented my standards and set the wrong tone for a dynamic that I wasn’t ready for. The killing part is that it involved someone who, under different circumstances, would’ve been a guy that I would want to make happy… for a long time. I think we both identified “a winner” in each other, but it was just awkward at that point. Had we started in a different zone where things were more gradual, then well… you get where I’m going with this. Indeed a sad situation, but sometimes you gotta lose one to get one. Just don’t lose 2 because there may not be a 2nd time to learn the lesson.
So anyway peoples, be true to yourself. Take heart your own rules of engagement… never settle for something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Know what you want and how you want to be treated. Respect others. Be honest. Be virtuous.
XOXO
See… this is what I’m thinking...
As a matter of fact, this is what my Grandmama taught me years ago, back when I was in the only serious relationship that I’ve had… (Poor me?! No poor you! I’m happy being selective, thank you very much!) Anyhoo… she taught me that the way a relationship starts sets the tone for the way that it will forever be. Sounds pretty vague you say, but really think about it.
Grandmama was saying that the exact standards that you go into a relationship with are exactly what set the tone for the duration of the relationship. Of course, I know she was specifically warning me against being “fast” and cautioning me to set standards for myself and basically, not to just go for any old thing… that once you let it be known that “this” is the standard or whats acceptable, that that’s EXACTLY what you can grow to expect from the other person. You know how it is… in the beginning each person is feeling the other out, trying to gauge exactly what “time it is”.
Its kinda like the dynamic of meeting the person in the club Saturday night and taking him/her home with you to go balls-to-the-wall (no pun intended). If you start the relationship off with 3am phone calls that lead to rugburns and 7-11 Magnum-runs, then pretty much expect that that’s going to be the basis of the relationship. Sure, it COULD grow into something more but the stage has already been set for more rugburns and 7-11 Magnum-runs, so for you to try and omit the sexual nature of the relationship or back up and say “No, Tony I want to wait until I know you better” is gonna get you a foreal “WTF” face from Tony, and rightfully so.
All this being said, its crucial to make sure that we each identify the dynamics of our relationships and the standards that we set forth in the beginning. If you want to be respected, don’t go into the relationship allowing disrespect and making excuses for the other person’s disrespectful, selfish behavior. If you want to cultivate a long-term relationship, begin with cultivating a foundation based on honesty, communication and dependability- the things you will value most with a mate. Don’t start out keeping secrets and being deceptive because lies only beget lies and distrust. Is any of this seeping through??
In short (or long), I guess I’m just saying that Grandmama taught me a lot about standards and being 100% honest with myself (and others) about my intentions within relationships. I can actually think of one time when I let my guard down and behaved in a way that not only contradicted my beliefs, but totally misrepresented my standards and set the wrong tone for a dynamic that I wasn’t ready for. The killing part is that it involved someone who, under different circumstances, would’ve been a guy that I would want to make happy… for a long time. I think we both identified “a winner” in each other, but it was just awkward at that point. Had we started in a different zone where things were more gradual, then well… you get where I’m going with this. Indeed a sad situation, but sometimes you gotta lose one to get one. Just don’t lose 2 because there may not be a 2nd time to learn the lesson.
So anyway peoples, be true to yourself. Take heart your own rules of engagement… never settle for something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Know what you want and how you want to be treated. Respect others. Be honest. Be virtuous.
XOXO
SG
BTW: Today's playlist consists of "Seasons Change" by Expose and "I Miss You" by Men At Large. Download them today!
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