Dating for Dummies Part 1: Bat Signals

Summer G: Okay so tell me something... I hear all the time that I'm intimidating. Do you agree??? Do guys tell you that?
Nic: it seriously cannot be about actual friendliness and intimidation because I am the least friendly chick you know, yet somehow people approach all the time
Summer G: okay so you're saying that friendliness does not equate to approachability because you are getting approached despite your bad attitude, right?
Nic: bingo and you are way more friendly/outgoing than me, so it must be the type of hints you are giving off
Summer G: hints? HA! go figure.
Nic: i mean, what else can you call it...clues...
Summer G: i think my approach (or lack thereof) is more natural
Nic: it's possibly too friendly
Summer G: like, only 1 in 5,232 guys are gonna be THAT incredible that i am immediately smitten... that being said, i prefer to get to know a person... AS FRIENDS first
Nic: you give off the "I wanna be your homegirl" you can go play hoops with vibe...not the "ask me out to dinner if you wanna get to know me" vibe
Summer G: no sense in getting emotionally attached/involved with a looneytoon!
Nic: but you gotta put it out there that you are not auditioning BFF candidates...because one you get put in the friend zone it's hard to transition out
Summer G: HAHAHAHHAHAAA!!! is THAT the vibe I give off??
Nic: YES it is
Summer G: LMAO
Nic: starting out as friends is of course the way to go...but do you want to end up as friends...look at the end goal SG
Summer G: <
Nic: sad but true
Summer G: but thats just it!
Nic: what is just it? enlighten me on your approach
Summer G: 99.946282% of the guys do not meet my "end goal" standards!
Nic: because they are not exceedingly tall and unattractive?
Summer G: YES! hehehheheee
Nic: as CC would implore...listen listen please listen
Summer G: i mean, i definitely dont go INTO it looking for unattractive men, but an absolute MUST is height. I'm 5'10"... aint nothin i can do with a midget. NOT NOTHING!
Nic: you have to get over the physical rut that you are in...i'm not saying start dating midgets, but you gotta at least take a gander at an average size man
Summer G: that being said, its like i only audition tall men... and of those tall men most arent what you would consider "handsome"... in fact, most arent handsome.
Nic: and by average, i mean someone who is taller than you in heels. i know a handful of regular height men who are attractive that have shown an interest in you, only to be shot down at the first word...they stood no chance from the jump
Summer G: then when you start subtractign the crazies... the ones with multiple babymamas... those with criminal records... bad credit... live with their mamas... promote parties (lol).... the pickings are down right SLIM!
Nic: you will have to take applications from all manner of folk to narrow the audition pool down to a handful..it aint easy but so it goes
Summer G: WTF@ "All manner of folk" time out... TIME OUT!!!
Nic: and by taking application, i mean, you will have to have a conversation with people you dont normally think you would like... not shoot them down the minute they look your way
Summer G: i do! you just said i was the friendliest chick in Texas! i am QUITE the conversationista!
Nic: but you shoot them down after hello
Summer Galvez: uumm... no i dont.
Nic: or you give them the idea that they have no chance to follow up so they give up
Summer G: TIME OUT i said
Nic: that's exactly what it is....you will give hope to FAMILIAR all day, but you give no hope to NEW
Summer G: WHO might this handful of people that I shot down include?
Nic: is this gonna be copied/pasted...i'll use code names
Summer G: Familiar can kick rocks to hell... I've been over that. yes code please
Nic: sexual chocolate in MIA for one...i was so pissy about that one
Summer G: LMAO! I'm still pissy about that one.
Nic: you should be
Summer G: i was sleepy... tired... if its meant to come back around then...next!
Nic: i'm almost afraid to say this one b/c he doesn't meet the height requirement, but i swear he would treat you so right and be sooooo good to you
Summer G: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO??????
Nic: but he has no chance because he lost the genetic lotto for height...beautiful teeth, smiles with his eyes.. you know who
Summer G: *hits da flo, chips tooth on the desk on her way down* dammit NIC!
Nic: he's been in pseudo love with you since the day/evening he laid eyes on you
Nic: and you know it
Summer G: hahahahhahhaaa@ "smiles with his eyes"
Nic: say he doesn't
Summer G: i'm over here about to get FIRED!
Nic: me too...i'm spitting water all over my keyboard
Summer G: girl next... he doest meet ANY requirements, not just height.. smile yes... lifestyle no.
Nic: you don't know that..you are just going off his height or lack thereof
Summer G: i know his employers and i know he aint filing W-2s
Nic: but whatever...if you wanna be closed minded, then fine
Summer G: and i know i dont need uncle sam in my life
Nic: not W-2s
Summer G: and because i know these things, i know he doesn have medical insurance... insurance is CRIT-I-CAL!
Nic: moving on before i start gasping for air from holding my stomach
Summer G: you know i'm right. okay so nevermind the guys.. how do you suggest that i correct the problem of being "unapproachable"
Nic: so even in we take SWHE (smiles with his eyes) out of the picture, we are still left with a conundrum of how you can be more approachable
Summer G: right...LMAO@ SWHE tho... fuuunnnnnnnny!
Nic: when you have conversations with dudes, does it ever progress to a point where you are discussing the possibility of a one on one outing...coffee, lunch, something that cannot be miscontrued as a date per se, but is still an opportunity to see them in different light to determine if they are worth auditioning for the role of pseudo boo?
Summer G: now, how do you define "ever"?? lol... i'm joking.
Summer G: ya know, its interesting. i guess because I am so used to "recycling" i dont really go out of my way to audition "new"
Nic: exactly.
Summer G: it happens, but its few and far between... take Trouble for example
Nic: you meet new, but new never makes it past the initial hello/how are you conversation
Summer G: he was persistent... negro blew my phone up that night then during church the next day... he was insistent on seeing me asap and it was really cool! and i appreciated that because he knew what he wanted and made a move.
Nic: i think that's a perfect example...and you cannot be discouraged b/c you figured out early that he wasn't about ISH
Summer G: most guys dont make a move. they pussy-foot around being all shy and ish... aint nobody got time to play Miss Cleo... either you wanna ride the ride or you dont.
Nic: you play by the rules and sometimes you meet a great dude, and sometimes you meet the white linen whackness that is Trouble
Summer G: going back to SWHE... he's never made a "move" so i dont feel he should count
Nic: i dont think he's ever gotten the vibe that it would be ok for him to make a move...he needs some kind of bat signal from you
Summer G: Neither should Chocolate Fury (in MIA) because he let me talk all manner of trash on the Tonk table... he couldnt match my wit. he bored me to sleep.
Nic: everytime he's seen you it's been in a group setting and he's never been given anything more than a passing glance
Nic: not Choco Fury
Summer G: would've been nice if he could've "put me to bed" in another way tho... HAHAHHAAA... I'm clowning. my bad
Nic: I had to take a moment and compose myself on that one
Summer G: lol@bat signals.
Nic: Choco Fury has all the physical traits...he may be lacking in the mental stimulation dept, but you will never know b/c he didnt get a bat signal either and he vanished into the nite
Summer G: indeed he did
Nic: so what's the take away from this SG....men need bat signals...
Summer G: hmph... and took all his chocolate fury with himl. DANGIT!
Summer G: bat signals... okay. so tomorrow we discuss bat signals, deal?
Nic: and boy is he furious...so damn fine for no good reason
Nic: well damn, now i gotta figure out how to define bat signals...
Summer G: good... thats your homework!
Summer G: b/c clearly i dont know
Nic: BS...this is your blog. not mine
Summer G: think of yourself as a correspondent.
Summer G: guest host
Summer G: contributer
Nic: i don't wanna blog or share my thoughts with the world wide web...i share them with you. you filter them and do what you like with them
Summer G: well how about this... how about we let readers leave comments helping me understand "bat signals"
Nic: bingo
Summer G: lame-o
Nic: whatever - o
Summer G: Okay, well i'm Audi-5000
Nic: i dont know how to define it
Summer G: dong anything tonite?
Nic: alright chica...i will call you later. technically i have a non date
Summer G: hahahahahahaaa! with D.E.?
Nic: who?
Nic: dead end?
Nic: STFU...
Summer G: hehehehheheheeee
Nic: wow. no
Summer G: with whom?
Nic: MM...mystery man...no magic just yet...i'll keep you posted
Summer G: you so you have one too, eh?
Nic: not really but i'm not divulging shit if you aren't either...ha
Summer G: its cool... good luck with that! everybody needs something to hope for!
Nic: ahhh...hope. gotta love it
Summer G: ttyl

The Cuss Cup 2008

Today I took a minute to peruse my previous posts and I realized something very disturbing... I swear too much!  Crazy thing is that I think I swear more on paper than I do in verbal conversation. Weird, eh?  Now, I know that more than a few times I've sworn off swearing and had some success, but I dont  quite know when and WHY i started this bad habit back! Anyhoo, its not ladylike, nor is it cute SOOO, I'm gonna try this again.  That being said, there are some instances where I FEEL (not you, but me... I feel) that I should get a cuss pass.  These instances include situations where...

a)  My banking institution has made some major accounting error and caused me inconvenience. I should be allowed 2 cuss words to express my extreme pissivity both TO the banking representative AND to whomever I first repeat the ordeal to.  If it happens that I blog about it before I speak to someone, then I agree to only use those words one time in said blog post and not to repeat them to someone at a later date.

b)  Someone is attempting to feed me some bull-ish and my intelligence is insulted.  I feel that one STRONG "GTFOH" is definitely permissible to express that not only am I not buying said bull-ish story, but to also give the directive of exiting my presence.  Only GTFOH can relay such sentiment succinctly.  I agree to only use GTFOH once in this instance and also agree to use it in its acronym form versus spelling "Get The F**K Outta Here!" out.  When possible, I will use it in text messages to end the conversation.  

c)  I am giving advice to someone regarding otherwise "common sense" situations where said person is being hardheaded, naive and gullible despite all the obvious signs of disenchantment (I love that word, don't you!?).  Sometimes its just not enough be calm and polite in your approach of spreading the good word to people who just refuse to listen.  SOMETIMES you have to get ugly and say something like "Looka heah, heifa... TNDWY... He dont give a damn about you as plainly seen thru his trifling ass excuses and broken promises.  Chuck his ass the deuces and quit being a stupid hoe!"  I admit, I've said these very things to someone.  Was it right? Probably not, but I was hoping to saying enough offensive things that she would walk away pissed that I would even think to identify her as a "stupid hoe" and then begin to consider if she was indeed behaving like a "stupid hoe"... something we both knew she wasnt, but her actions were indeed showing signs of weakness and lack of self-esteem.  In the future however, I will refrain from excessively swearing in instances like these, and I will only use a SINGLE cuss-word in any given conversation on the matter.  Stupid hoes arent worth me wasting all my free cuss-passes anyway.

So there it is! I'm intending to all but do away with my foul language.  Why, you ask? Well, like I said... its not ladylike and my vocabulary is far to expansive to be  limited to expletives.  In fact, its more fun when you can out-word a muhfuh... Oh such FUN to talk over someone's head with words they dont know and cant repeat. lololol  

**Begin Sidenote:  I remember actually having all-out "score sessions" with my boy Kevin Curry in high school using nothing but S.A.T. words.  We would actually be playing tennis and ragging on each other using vocab we were studying for our exam... TOTAL GEEKS! Coincidentally, Kevin is in grad school at Harvard RIGHT NOW and I am well... you know where I am. lol **End Sidenote***

Any-t-hoo, I'm gonna stop cursing and for every violation I'm gonna drop a dollar in the CUSS CUP and make an extra offering in church with the money.  I figure that committing that money to the Lord will force me to take this initiative seriously. Wish me luck!

SG

The Genesis of Me and You

I started composing another post that touched on the subject of people within love triangles/squares (octagons… lol) and how the bitter 3rd/4th/5th… parties in said triangles behave when one of the principals moves on with another… It’s a long post and I promise to come back to it but today I felt like going in a different direction.

See… this is what I’m thinking...
As a matter of fact, this is what my Grandmama taught me years ago, back when I was in the only serious relationship that I’ve had… (Poor me?! No poor you! I’m happy being selective, thank you very much!) Anyhoo… she taught me that the way a relationship starts sets the tone for the way that it will forever be. Sounds pretty vague you say, but really think about it.

Grandmama was saying that the exact standards that you go into a relationship with are exactly what set the tone for the duration of the relationship. Of course, I know she was specifically warning me against being “fast” and cautioning me to set standards for myself and basically, not to just go for any old thing… that once you let it be known that “this” is the standard or whats acceptable, that that’s EXACTLY what you can grow to expect from the other person. You know how it is… in the beginning each person is feeling the other out, trying to gauge exactly what “time it is”.

Its kinda like the dynamic of meeting the person in the club Saturday night and taking him/her home with you to go balls-to-the-wall (no pun intended). If you start the relationship off with 3am phone calls that lead to rugburns and 7-11 Magnum-runs, then pretty much expect that that’s going to be the basis of the relationship. Sure, it COULD grow into something more but the stage has already been set for more rugburns and 7-11 Magnum-runs, so for you to try and omit the sexual nature of the relationship or back up and say “No, Tony I want to wait until I know you better” is gonna get you a foreal “WTF” face from Tony, and rightfully so.

All this being said, its crucial to make sure that we each identify the dynamics of our relationships and the standards that we set forth in the beginning. If you want to be respected, don’t go into the relationship allowing disrespect and making excuses for the other person’s disrespectful, selfish behavior. If you want to cultivate a long-term relationship, begin with cultivating a foundation based on honesty, communication and dependability- the things you will value most with a mate. Don’t start out keeping secrets and being deceptive because lies only beget lies and distrust. Is any of this seeping through??

In short (or long), I guess I’m just saying that Grandmama taught me a lot about standards and being 100% honest with myself (and others) about my intentions within relationships. I can actually think of one time when I let my guard down and behaved in a way that not only contradicted my beliefs, but totally misrepresented my standards and set the wrong tone for a dynamic that I wasn’t ready for. The killing part is that it involved someone who, under different circumstances, would’ve been a guy that I would want to make happy… for a long time. I think we both identified “a winner” in each other, but it was just awkward at that point. Had we started in a different zone where things were more gradual, then well… you get where I’m going with this. Indeed a sad situation, but sometimes you gotta lose one to get one. Just don’t lose 2 because there may not be a 2nd time to learn the lesson.

So anyway peoples, be true to yourself. Take heart your own rules of engagement… never settle for something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Know what you want and how you want to be treated. Respect others. Be honest. Be virtuous.

XOXO

SG

BTW: Today's playlist consists of "Seasons Change" by Expose and "I Miss You" by Men At Large. Download them today!

A PSA from GOODEness..."One Minute"

Went to my friend's funeral, hoping in peace he now rested...
Growing from a seed to a tree, had worse climate than the rest did...
From age 9, this water sign was abused and molested...
Had hard times but "Jesus walks" is what he'd say like K. West did...
Gave his heart, spirit, mind and his body unprotected…
The catch was this man had 2 lives, showed both sexes affection...
He was on the down low and wasn't fond of protection...
Until he came across this sweetheart, orange moon, bright reflection...
She turned him on to good health and sharing the gift he was blessed with...
Don't ask, don't tell she gave him everything he requested...
Months pass, he's crossing paths, returning to her w/ infection...
She gets a physical and blood test, and then what? Yeah you guessed it!
Honey has full blown AIDS, to make it worse, 2 months pregnant...
She’s in the ground, not breathing now, and her children are neglected…
Meaningful life cut in its prime because she never asked questions!
Protect yourself and your partner’s health, life ends quick when you’re reckless!
Moral of the story, know your status and no latex no sex kid!
When you lay with one, you’re sexing all the people they've slept with…
The realest shit ever spoke…so respect it…get tested!!
© GOODENess 2008

With her blessing, I decided to repost this poem from a good blogbuddy of mine. She's a dope writer and definitely is saying something with this piece. Its rather sad that more of our people don't take better precautions with their health, but its definitely not a lost cause. Each one teach one. Lets help each other be stronger and better educated. Let's live.

Its So Cold (and Rhythmless) In the D - Reaction Vid

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RcS1jlBpCA

CRay, I'm need you to get your peoples.
I'm just saying.

Sorry For the Delay of Game But I'M BACK!

Its been months since my last post here. Actually, I've started an entirely NEW blogspot that CRay and JBiggs and I are SUPPOSED to be tagteaming on, but their sorry tails havent posted there yet. *TSK TSK* That site is primarily for current events and since I'm feeling a bit more inclined to share (as Grandmama would say) "a tee-nanchy bit" of self-revelation. Got a minute? Its good, I promise!

So in my last post, I was sharing that I'd been laid-off from my position w/ Lockton and it really REALLY stung me on all fronts. Even still, I was not dismayed. There's even a line in there where I say something about remembering that everytime something seemingly bad happens, it always ends up being a setup for something "bigger and better". Well, true to form the Lord didnt let me down. For the sake of time, let me just say that I am now with an entirely different company in the financial industry with a GREAT position, a FABULOUS boss who adores me (as much as I adore her), and I'm getting the recognition and opportunities to develop my talents far beyond the opportunities I had with Lockton. All things considered, I am indeed blessed to have the favor that I do and I just had to share that because He deserves the glory (yet again) for bringing me through. The moral to the story? Setbacks are ALWAYS setups for something better. Trust and have faith in His order for your life.

In other news... I've gotten some downright INCREDIBLE collaborations going on with my music. Think classic, Grammy-winning producers that crafted hip-hop into what it is today... think a return to MUSIC... think HIT RECORDS! :-) It seems daily, I find myself slightly frustrated at trying to figure out HOW to meet all my deadlines and still balance my current obligations with work (b/c I enjoy it so much, I've been bringing it home with me the last few weeks) which in turn, cuts back on my studio time considerably... and then I'm in the gym 4 times a week at least so I mean... its a lot. But I'm commited to riding this dream 'til the wheels fall off (and they won't) because I've seen the other side and well... yeah, I have to do it. That being said, Sunday is my only "dont ask for nothing, i'm not doin' nothing" day. I was sharing this calamity with a new friend and he suggested that I focus my energies and not "chase 2 rabbits because I'll end up losing both." Even since he said that, I've been talking to the little bunnies in my life... literally telling them, "Alright Peter, I cant deal with you today because I'm focused on Bugs... I'll be with you shortly..." and so on. So far, so good! I think my problem is being an overachiever. I feel like I have to conquer the world... in a day... alone... blindfolded... with my arms tied behind my back. The cool thing is that in addition to pilates, I'm taking yoga now too and its really been a refreshing practice for me after work. WOOSAAAA.

I apologize for all this personal info but tomorrow I'll be back to business as usual... more posts about general topics. I've actually concluded that its in everyone's best interest if I not divulge any really personal details regarding current/former friendships/relationships on this blog. Its not needed and actually, quite 1990's if you ask me. Plus, no one cares who I am/am not "booing up" with anyway so screw it.

Before I leave tho, I have to say that I've had a JAMMIN' afternoon and even found myself doing the New Edition 2-step (HARD) while driving home today as listened to "If It Isn't Love". For those that havent seen the (timeless) video where they're sportin curls, skinny jeans and stirrup pants, click here. Do yourself a favor and download this if you don't already have it.

Thanks to everyone whose been checking on me and reminding me to start back posting.

XOXO...

SG

Setbacks and Really God's Set-Ups For Better Things

Last week, I got some very disappointing news...unexpected, frustrating news. Yeah, it was pretty disheartening for the first 3.7 minutes. I was in shock. Pretty much, I was laid-off from the career that I absolutely loved because the company was "downsizing" and apparently, it made more sense to 86 me because of my salary. Nevermind that I've been the saving grace in the office... the one that came in and shifted the quality of production in my department. Nevermind that I've never had disciplinary action or abused attendance policies. Nevermind that I've facilitated very major campaigns that resulted in new client accounts. Nope... it was a "cost" issue and subseqently, I was let go.

It hurt, really it did. As the HR director kept apologizing and offering alternatives for me, all I could think about was HOW I had done everything right, and yet it was all for naught.

But then I strong, still voice spoke to me and told me that "it's already worked out in my favor" and not to cry. Immediately, a peace came over me and I felt like the lay-off was God ordained... something to get me out of my comfort zone and into a place where He could bring me into something better... something with purpose. My purpose.

Since that voice spoke to me last week, I've been in a place of assurance. People have asked me, "So what are you going to do?" and the only answer I have it that "I'm going to do what I can, and I'm going to trust God to do what I can't." This isnt the first time that I've lost a job or been faced with bills and expenses with no foreseen answer as to HOW its gonna work out. But EVERY SINGLE TIME, IT WORKS OUT! And get this, it works out BETTER THAN BEFORE!!

When I reflect on my lifestory and things that I and my family have been through, I really have no reason TO worry or stress myself out over HOW this lay-off will play itself out because the fact is that historically, every single obstacle has been a test of my faith in the Lord to honor His promises... And if i'm boasting on Him to everyone that asks, letting them KNOW that my faith is in Him to work it out, He pretty much HAS to work it out for me. His word says that I wont beg for bread. It says that if I delight myself in Him, He'll give me my hearts desires. And it also says that He loves me. A Father that loves His child wont let his child suffer. So as a child, I trust him.

I pretty much took last week to do some somgwriting... Went into the studio last Thursday and I'm really excited about these young ladies I met that are going to demo some songs for me. Made a spontaneous roadtrip out of town to clear my head with a friend and then came back this week to begin my job search. I've already gotten some very good leads in the past 48 hours so I'm just submitting resumes (which is my due dilligence) and then praying that God give me favor with whomever is reviewing them... Favor for the RIGHT position and the RIGHT company with the RIGHT benefits and salary. And then, if the Lord's says for me to focus on my gift of music, then I'm obedient to do that. In fact, I'd prefer to do that actually. lol. Really I just want His will because with that will come order and peace.

I'm also looking forward to posting the outcome of all of this... I know its gonna be too incredible to put into words but you know me- I'ma TRY!

So the lesson of the day is not to worry about things beyond your control. When you've done the best that you can do and your heart is in the right place, God honors your stewardship and He will position you for the next level of success. Ya just gotta have faith and walk in it!

Out!

SG~