The EFF IT List: Valentine's Edition

EFF getting excited because a chick/dude called you YESTERDAY tryin to see you.

ESPECIALLY EFF that nicca that text'd you TODAY tryin to see you. V-Day falls on February 14th EVERY DAMN YEAR and a nicca that cant plan ahead of time to spend today with you is probably using you as a back-up plan.

EFF responding to generic (mass) text messages wishing me a Happy V-Day with the overused, insincere "LOVE YOU" at the end. MF'er, USE MY NAME! Don't be sending me "sentimental" messages if you cant get like Beyonce and "SAY MY NAME SAY MY NAME!" Furthermore, phone calls are much more personal than texts… and WHATEVER HAPPENED TO LOVE LETTERS?! Am I not worth a 42 cent stamp????

EFF letting that lame-ass nicca ruin your v-day. SO WHAT yall had a fight. SO WHAT yall aint speakin today. Lemme tell you something and PLEASE don't be mad at me… BUT…… IF A NICCA PICKS A FIGHT WITH YOU OVER SOME INSIGNIFICANT BULLSHIT WITHIN 72 HOURS OF V-DAY, THAT NICCA IS TRYIN TO DO SOMETHING/SOMEBODY ELSE TODAY! I promise you I'm right. NO ONE wants to spend V-Day alone and if you aint with him over some petty argument, KNOW that he is with someone. Sorry. BUT EFF THAT! Get out and get a drink with your damn self! Its enough singles out there that you can still have a dignified V-Day without being in love.

EFF any and everybody who'se sleeping on The-Dream's cd. If you're having any kinda feelings about love, GO GET THIS CD. My personal faves are on my profile… "Nikki" and "I Love Your Girl". "FUUUKKKK THAT NICCAAAAAAAAA!" You have to download this cd… Support our artists… ITUNES!

EFF the florist in my building who sells 2 dz BEAUTIFUL roses VERY SINGLE WEEK for $20, yet is selling 1 DZ for $25 today. I almost said something very offensive to him this morning… foreal!

EFF the assumption that V-Day has to be a romantic holiday. I'm seriously considering take-out and catching up on The Wire.

EFF "throwing caution to the wind" and making irrational decisions today, "IN THE NAME OF LOVE". I WILL NOT eat senselessly at dinner tonite JUST BECAUSE its V-Day. I WILL NOT spend today with someone JUST SO I CAN SAY I had a date. I WILL NOT jump face-first into this box of chocolates that someone gave me… I have worked TOO DAMN HARD on my diet to throw it all away. I WILL NOT reply to voicemails/emails/texts from niccas I KNOW aint about a damn thing JUST BECAUSE they are getting the love bug…. You were a loser on Feb 13th and you'll be one on the 15th.

EFF finding out about a possible "MAYBE BABY". WTF kind of V-Day gift is that????????
EFF over-indulging on cocktail and champagne too. Its not good for the waistline so WATCH OUT TONITE!

EFF giving someone an "instruction manual" on how to be a good lover. Nicca either you GOT IT or you don't. I can only coach so much, I am NOT mf'ing Bobby Knight. Some things you just have to pick-up on your own. Watch some romantic movies… Listen to some Teddy P… Camp out on the "Romance" aisle in Barnes and Noble. They have TONS of books that you can read FOR FREE… just don't highlight anything or dog-ear the pages!

EFF settling for dating someone who DOESN'T know how to satisfy you. I PROMISE you, that nicca KNOWS when he aint pleasin you… and if he aint making substantial efforts towards improvement, give his ass a bottle of Lubriderm and tell him HOLLA!

EFF patronizing the sex-shops today. IF you happen to be a lucky one and have a HOT DATE tonite, I challenge you to be creative and work with what you already have. Stretch your imagination and get open with your partner. BUT BE SAFE and I don't mean screw with a pistol under your pillow. I mean, practice safe sex. Period.

EFF feeling sorry for youself if you don't have a date tonite. IN TRUTH, today is just another day of the year and its important to have someone who loves you as much on April 5th and August 23rd as they do on Feb 14th. So if you're single, well, maybe you'll meet someone special and get to designate another date as YOUR SPECIAL V-Day. WHO SAYS Valentines cant fall on October 10th???

OUT!